Wednesday, September 28, 2005

On Dressing and Keeping it Real (dumb) at Work

I damn near lost it after reading an article posted on Monster.com's "diversity" web site, which is supposed to help Cocoas like you and me get a job. I should have known that I had just opened the Pandora's box of 'ignance' when I read the title Keep It Real...Express Your Heritage in the Workplace. To that I say: saggiN, please, there ain't no such thing...

Perhaps Monster is having troubles attracting candidates to its site, as its heritage-based articles will surely render many cubicle Cocoas immediately unemployed and intensely in need of a gig (and surfing Monster's database of 1.5 gazillion jobs!). Check out these examples:

Carlton* - "a successful investment banker...[was caught off guard] by concerns over how his so-called conservative clients would react to his diamond earring and flamboyant dress."
Anyone with common sense knows the asterisk represents an attempt to protect the identity of this giN's mother b/c her son is so got-damned stupid. You slave away at college for 4 years, graduate with honors and get a good job that would put even the super Negro Calvin to shame and now you wanna trip out over some bling and Coogi wear?? This is obviously an example of what my grandma meant during her rantings about "educated saggin."

Theresa - a lawyer ..."When our secretary started wearing dreadlocks, a senior partner in our Mid-Atlantic law firm commented that he didn't find the style attractive...I'm pretty sure the dreads were the reason she didn't get a promotion...."
Yeah, me too, Theresa, as it doesn't require rocket science or a career in linguistics to read "vanilla" and "even mo' vanilla" into 'law firm' and 'Mid-Atlantic.' Perhaps her secretary could have taken a few tips from Star's husband-wife, Al, about being ethnic on the weekends and vaca via weave-locks, ahem, dread extensions...

Sales Manager* - "...If my saying ‘bling, bling' at work makes somebody uncomfortable, I just let that be their problem. If it shows up on my review that I lack command of the English language, then I deal with the situation accordingly."
Wow. Obviously S&M doesn't only denote this worker's title. Matter of fact, I bet his or her quote is more telling of an addiction to self-inflict pain via bouts of hunger and depression, compliments of the fact that this gin surely can't keep a job.

R.

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