Wednesday, November 30, 2005

HR? Don't believe the hype!

I swear one of the biggest lies ever sold to the prospective working woman and man is that the HR department exists to protect and serve the employee. Matter of fact, I question this notion as much as many an urban-dwelling Cocoa questions the antics of the boys in blue. Yet, the striking similarities between these two powerful forces - which purportedly exist to service everyone equally, yet somehow always manage to only help the same folk - shouldn't shock anyone, particularly a black woman professional with common sense and a handle of politics at work.

That's why, while I cannot prove it for sure, I have to surmise that the member of my writers-with-too-much-damn-time-AND-too-many-opinions online forum who supplied the following quite truthful H.R. analogy had to be black. Or, at least, an honorary negro, e.g. a flamboyantly gay, a thick-accented foreigner, a fat white girl publicist or an in-tune-with-their-heritage Asian. Ya know, someone who has experienced some degree of unfair, biased attitudes and/or treatment at work and erroneously thought they could bring the sh*t to human resources for a lil' neutral intervention...

Question to the Forum: Can someone explain H.R.?

Answer: Think of HR as a bouncer at a club. Not just any bouncer, but an ugly, hairy ogre who is unbelievably stupid, drunk with power, and loves setting policy based upon their own whim. Voila, HR!

I personally could add a few more points to this analogy! Namely how the "orges" almost are always incredibly-poor dressers who boast (in nearly terrifying unison) an android-like ability for appearing to be the same damn person. On top of their poor fashion taste, these orgres generally don't care for employees with good style and personality, making a C-girl's chances of getting a fair shake even slimmer than these usually-plumper-than-average (putting it mildly) pod people wish to be.

R.

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