Friday, January 27, 2006

C-A-S-U-A-L F-R-I-D-A-YS: Trick, get a job! (EOE Edition)

I propose a new national honor that distinguishes and raises up the most-widely (over?)talked public figures, just so we can tell them PUBLICLY to sit the f#ck down! Being the hardworking, black woman professional that I am, I'd call it the "Trick, get a job!" honors. Now that I have a name for my award who would I ever pick??? Let's start with these homely arses below.

BTW, don't start writing me about the fact that we're helping white folk find a job today. For those of you not "up" on the acronyms, "EOE" stands for "equal opportunity employer." So let's just simmer down and be fair to our vanilla brothers and sisters in need...


J-GO (AND PLEASE STAY THE FARG AWAY!)
Tired as the day is long, I'd like to give Jennifer Aniston's washed up a$$ something special to hold on to... Namely a man, as broad obviously has problems doing so for herself. Cocoa Girl's personal take: Brad left her because her other "friends" left her, a.k.a. J-Go was speeding too fast down "has-been" lane.

To this scraggly ho, I say: Trick, get a job! (and leave those wacka$$ romantic comedies and washed up white male actors w/ beer guts to the likes of J-Lo).



ANGELINA "HO"LIE
Habla Espanol? If so, then you prolly understand that the first syllable of this girly's last name - when pronounced in Spanish - is quite fitting for one of our nation's most-covered homewreckers to date.

Yes, I just finished dissing J-Go, but A-Jo (pronounced "ho" for ya'll non-bilingual Cocoas) needs to get employed quick. Hell, she ain't nothing more than a glorified Baby Mama! Besides, if she screw somebody else's man while they're away at work, she might end up with a knife in da back. So, I say, let's help this ho (stay safe!) by getting da trick a job! (and let it not be freaking down other women's men)!


UNCLE JAMES (FREY)
Now, ya'll, listen to yo Antie Cocoa. I wan' you to go back in my room and reach up in dat top drawah. Den...get me dat number to dat place where we sant yo uncle Ray-Ray and cousin Tyrone the last time they was on dat sh!t. Uh, huh, cuz after tellin' all those lies and f#cking around wit' Miss Opie, yo Uncle James fenna be back on dat stuff reaaaal quick.

Antie Cocoa say: Get that n!gga a job! (cuz he ain't gon' be f#cking up my tab down at the Piggly Wiggly, no mo')!


CG

11 comments:

Supa said...

Bwaaa haa haaaaa!!!! Excellent award, Cocoa Girl. Your selections are top notch...and funny (and accurate) as hell!

The "Auntie Cocoa" talk to Jimmy Frey. LMAO!!!!!!

BTW - NEVER got the big whoop over Angela aka A-Ho. Her face always scared me...but let everyone tell it, she's da baddast (vanilla) bitch walkin'.

*perplexed look, shoulder shrug*

Cocoa Girl said...

Girl, I know. She def looks betta than Jen but the cow's still a baby's mama nonetheless. I think it's a new trend with the white girls (read: Angelina, Jennifer Garner, who was knocked up PRIOR to marrying Ben A., etc.)

mrs.tj said...

You crazy.
Have a great weekend.
Holla!

Single Ma said...

You aint right! LOL

Do they have unemployment for has been celebs? LOL

Cocoa Girl said...

SM - I like your new logo...not that the other one wasn't nice:)

Your question is actually kind of interesting, especially the actors are members of a (SAG)... But, nah, I think them n!gs is on they own when their clocks run out...hence, Master P and his new dance video for kids!

Karamale said...

gotdamn, you funny gul. will definitely be back.

African girl, American world said...

you's a trip!!!!

Jenny A is SO boring and all these same movie after movie roles...*sigh*

A movie stara, she ain't!

Leave Zahara's Mama alone - we's gon box!!!!

Cocoa Girl said...

Thanks, Karamale.

Mwabi - Girl, stop trippin'! You know you only sticking up for Miss "Ho"lie cuz little Zahara is African...LOL!

Jenny is washed up...she just needs to go somewhere and stay gon!

Clay said...

great post - i love me some Angelina!

Cocoa Girl said...

Thanks for stopping by Clay, but I have to boo you beyond belief!!! Say No to homewreckers!

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