Now, ya'll know that I usually don't do the weekends (cuz girly doesn't work on the weekends), but, today, mi hijas, marks an exception. In other words, I've been inspired...
Can I ask why most acts of ghettoness in the black church generally have something to do with candy and cell phones? Now, I know a few of ya'll might disagree, arguing that stuff like hairdos and clothing choices should top the list, but I'm not trying to win any first-class flights to hell by dissing people who potentially just don't have very many resources. So, I'll stay off the church folks, per se, and on their behavior.
I recently left my old church with its highfalutin membership and now regularly attend another one, where the only semblance between the two is the fact that most of the folk inside are brown and Baptist. I like the new spot a lot, but the parishioners can be a bit of a trip at times. Just this afternoon one woman embarrassingly struggled to locate her cell phone and turn off the ringer cuz the likes of Omarion put her a$$ on blast throughout the church. Besides, how are you pushing 45 years old and got a bump-n-grind music ring tone? And, then, you don't even have enough sense to put that joint on vibrate before making your way up in the church. AND, then, as if her ringer episode wasn't annoying enough, her co-parishioner (who had to be pushing 65, no doubt) kept popping peppermint candies like they were Lorotabs and rattling the empty wrappers as if she were one minute from OD'ing.
Another woman had the nerve to answer her ringing phone just right when the pastor had begun to read the Day's passage. Then, she had even mo' nerve to dip her head way toward her daughter's bible, so to appear as if she were reading the scripture to her, when, in fact, she was conversing on the cellie.
By this point, I was furious and fading fast. Not to mention that I had already performed the annoyed swing around and stare at this ignant group of teens three rows back. I even had the nerve to snap, "I know you all DON'T plan on talking throughout the WHOLE service." Yet, the churchtime ghettoness session was not yet done, as the two sets of the worst offenders - the mother on her cellie and bad-a$$ teens - were actually ONE group. I realized this b/c the daughter of said woman whirled around and summoned the other tweens to pass her puffy coat FROM FOUR ROWS BACK! So, one by one, clueless parishioner by clueless parishioner, we all passed this little girl's coat forward. What was the urgency? Well, once girly got her coat, she paused while reaching in the pocket b/c it looked like she was about to take a smack down from her mom for disturbing the grown folk. That is, until, girly reached in her pocket and with a smile, head tilt and shoulders shrug, held up the blue pack of Starbursts. What followed next was totally unbelievable. Just like a Mentos commercial, her mother tilted her head, shoulder shrugged and giggled, too. I nearly punched a hole in my friend's arm trying to bring her attention to the madness unfolding two rows ahead.
Oh well, let me go now before some lightening comes through this roof... Happy last day of the weekend ya’ll!