Tuesday, February 28, 2006

A fat, three blacks(?) and a few spats...

Since mah site is about working and bullsh!t (apologies for the redundancy), I thought I’d give The Apprentice one mo’ chance to prove an interesting f$cking show. Honestly, I still almost decided not to cover the sh!t. Some uber-Negra must be there runningt production room b/c there ain't NAN photo posted to the site...and nearly 12 hours have passed since the show aired!!! A girly does have pics now. So, without future adieu…

At only 8:23p EST – meaning the show wasn't set to start for another 37 minutes – I already knew who I love and who’s going to work my gotdamn nerves….there’s a pygmy of sorts cheerleader from the University of Florida; the black girl with the bad hair (more on her later); a white boy who promos himself a “baller"; a self-made yoga chick with zip college education and a net worth of 8-million plus; a quite handsome British chap, and too many damn know-it-alls.

The Don obviously went for looks over talent. Apparently, the folks over at NBC are pulling a Real World – really, really, really good-looking subjects with little – if anything at all – interesting to say. Hmph…I wonder if they’re going to snort a lot of coke b/c they’re a gay, Asian, adoptee from a broken home in the Midwest; host same-sex orgies or have tons of unprotected sex under the night-vision cam, too?

Today's recap will focus on a little interviewing 101 and those oh-so important first impressions of Cocoas!

First things, first: My honorary negra Carolyn! Damn those nasty rumors! She wasn’t replaced by Ivanka after all and Trump really does have a brain.

Nice hurr! BTW, girly's still cut-throat, b!tchy and gangsta as f#ck! Nice to have you back, gurl!

First up, the ambigu-race dude… Michael, 29, Management Consultant Manhattan
First Impression: He’s fine. We'll (hopefully/fingers crossed/hail Mary to the lawd) be seeing more of him. Oh, I think he’s a Cocoa, too, but it’s a bit hard to tell so soon. Just pay attention to how much he stresses all things related to him of the non-negro variety. The mo' he does means the mo’ nig in his blood!

Next up, Roxanne, 26, Appellate Attorney, Texas
First Impression: It’s the 1st commercial break and honey dip hasn’t said one damn thing. Hmm? Maybe that’s a real good skrategy on her part, because we all know nothing gets a black woman on a reality show in quicker trouble than her got-damn mouth. Or, maybe a seriously basic weave...

She must be related to Omorosa.

Third up, Charmaine, 27, Real Estate Consultant, Tennessee
First Impression: The 2nd ambigu-race contestant. She’s a doll, perhaps of Blasian-persuasion. She didn’t say much, either. I'm really thinking this must be a tactic amongst the "negras." Anyhoo, I bet cha we’ll find out later about how her illegitimate American father knocked up her mom during the war and struggled to make a living ever since. Big sigh. Based on credentials, not exactly sure why she’s here.

1st challenge: Pimp that Blimp (get 'em!)...Pimp that Blimp...
Project managers: “Go Gators!” Allie (Team Synergy) and Tarek, no, he's not negro (Team Gold Rush). Challenge: Use a Good Year blimp to drive business to Sam’s Club via its “Plus” membership cards. It was a pretty boring and basic challenge. One team entices customers with free manis and pedis; another gives away free Sam’s Club-branded bags.

Is fat the new Black?
The challenge just began and the fat boy is already going crazy. Apparently, the Blacks have assimilated too well to the reality TV set up, as producers are now tapping new “minorities” for dramatic effect. It’s only the 2nd commercial break and everybody’s already all over the fatty. First, he wanted to name the team “Killer Instinct” (a corporate team with the name ‘killer,’ as if some people don’t already have issues with going ballistic in the workplace). Next, dude suggested his team set up a Karaoke machine outside the store to entice folks to stop in and shop. Figga, you're in New York City proper!

Some of his teammates first thoughts expressed about him were “he can’t talk/present ideas in a clear fashion” and “he’s eccentric.” Then, the next few clips of this “minority” show him ranting “angry” about being sidelined.

Expect for more sh!t to pop off with this one.

Black out?
Third commercial break and I still haven’t seen – or heard – a snippet from the black chick! Perhaps a blessing in disguise.

The Boardroom
Team Gold Rush lost. Tarek, the project manager, decides to help everyone watching know just how non-ethnic he really is by pulling a serious Okie and selecting the slow-talking southern gal, thick-accented Russian and his another - totally innocent - dark-haired dude for a meeting in front of the firing squad. Stupid, southern chick gets the boot because she tried to stick up for the asshole Tarek on some irrational, princiaplity that has absolutely nothing to do with the workplaced called "the truth" (sounds like I once knew of this subject at some point in time outside of work...) Trump even told that mofo, Tarek, that the other chick’s “stupidity” saved his “ass.” Niice! Now, if we could only get our bosses in the real world to keep it real like so. Imagine what the workplace would be like…

Cocoa Girl's Pinkslip Prediction for Next Week:
Fatty Boom Boom. Sneak peaks into episode 2 show dude dancing during a challenge and jumping up in his fellow vanillas’ faces, talking about “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.” Oh lawd!

Last clip: “Scared” white woman saying “I was confronted by [fat boy]in a very intimidating manner.”

Just you wait and see... That f!gga’s a goner.



mrs.tj said...

I've never watched this show, I might have to try it.

Single Ma said...

I don't watch it either, but your recap has definitely made me interested. Wonder what Roxanne got on her membrane. Quiet is scary. LOL

Supa said...

Loved your wrap-up!!

SO, you're really gonna make me watch anotha season of the Apprenti, hunh? lol

Cocoa Girl said...

Yeah, ya'll gotta get up on it! I hope they keep Fatty Black around for a while...he's entertaining.

If they know what's good for ratings, they will!

kenny said...


Michael is Indian and Portugese.

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