Friday, February 24, 2006

You might be black in Corporate America if...

1. Your chin/jawbone/entire face always feels strained after a staff meeting, a walk through the halls, or a ride on the office elevator.

2. You instinctively listen for the faucet following a colleague of another persuasion's exit from the stall.

3. You look upon "free" food (leftovers from a meeting?) in the workplace with great uncertaininty. Even if it's your fave dish from your fave restaurant.

4. You know better than to ask your coworker to hand you a utensil.

5. If you somehow didn't know better, you wait for said coworker to turn their back and then you promptly chuck the mis-gripped, toxic, infectious waste of a utensil in the trash.

6. You grow tense if asked for help with anything unrelated to your job function, including directions around the office, the location of the restroom, copyroom or (God forbid) the mailroom, and for car service telephone numbers.

7. Thoughts of a whip, white men and Kunta Kinte cross the mind every time you hear your name shortened (sans permission) to some annoying-a$$, monosyllabic moniker.



15 comments: said...

Too funny!
I always be listening for the faucet, them fools don't EVA wash they hands. Ewww!
And I always try to be the first one in the line for food. There are some people you KNOW not to eat the food after they have touched it!

Cocoa Girl said...

Yeah, for soem reason, I've never been able to shake the faucet syndrome. LOL

Miss Ahmad said...

nasty ass people not washing their hands prevents me from shaking hands and keeps me offering folks hand santizer on the regular!

Cocoa Girl said...

Girl, you're too crazy! But are you being serious????

Miss Ahmad said...

i am totally serious! I will turn down a handshake in a minute, and offer folks hand santizer on the rock steady!

I am a little bit of a germ freak!

Anonymous said...

Tsk, tsk, girl. Tsk, tsk. They must look at you like you're outta ur mind...

Single Ma said...

LOL! CG, you hit it with this list! Especially #7. How about I just ignore yo azz cuz dat aint my dayum name!

People look at me funny in the bathroom cuz I wash my hands, then leave the water running til I get a paper towel to dry them. Then I use the same paper towel to turn the water off and open the door. One chic had the nerve to say I was wasteful because I let the water run and I used too many paper towels. My response...and? my eyes said much more.

And why dude keeps blowing his nose in the SAME hankie everyday and put it in his pocket. Then wants to hand me a file. Ugh!

Cocoa Girl said...

Ignoring people who shortened my name without my permission was my fave thing to do! I think whoever's running the sanitation department at my job is a negra, because we have automatic faucets and toilets. We now even have hand sanitzer stations right at the restroom door...both exits! Some germaphobe is handling thangs at Morgan. Believe dat! LOL

Monique said...

What, only white people skip washing their hands? I work in a hospital, and wash my hands after every bathroom visit, even using the paper towel to turn the faucet off. But don't tell me black people wash their hands all the time and white people hardly ever do. I see equal amounts of white AND black people not washing their hands. Get over yourself.

Cocoa Girl said...

Monique - to you I say: Bull crap. You'll never convince me of such.

Also, I think someone needs a sedative...ask some of those doctors who wash their hands to hook you up with a few depressants...and some Clorox towelettes.

Monique said...

Why do I need a sedative just because I say that even black people sometimes don't wash their hands? Sorry, but all black people ain't "classy" like yourself. Like I said: get over yourself.

If someone posted something about how "you might be WHITE in corporate America if...," you would be screaming racism.

A LOT of people are sick of this crap.

Cocoa Girl said...

Um, Monique, don't know if you noticed but this is an African American blog.

Also, apparently you need to get over yourself. Why is it that you think black folk like myself care what you think??

Last thing, please ask yourself why you read 'white' into the comment about the hands. I don't recall saying it...

Hmm...looks to me like someone has a few issues. So, I now will ask you again to get over yourself and find a blog that matches your needs.

Monique said...

And this is what I'm talking about. If someone told you, "this is a white blog," you'd be screaming KKK or something of the like.

Mrs.TJ said, "them fools don't EVA wash they hands." Yeah, I'm sure she wasn't talking about us "vanilla" folk.

Then you start going off about "Why is it that you think black folk like myself care what you think??"

When I say people are sick of this crap, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

And you can call me rascist all you want, but that won't make it true. I just don't get why if I had a blog and told a black person to go somewhere else because it's a "white" blog, I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue, but black people can tell white people that. You want to talk about racism? Look in your own ghetto mirror.

Cocoa Girl said...

Uh-oh..."Diary of A Mad White Woman"...LOL

Sweetie, since you're now the representative and delegate for the entire white race, can you tell me why ya'll are so angry? Also, why is it that every time race comes up and a white person gets mad, you start to sling insults ("look in your own ghetto mirror"). Puleez. I think it's beyond obvious that I've never spent time in anyone's 'ghetto' perhaps you could lend me YOUR mirror?

I am not going to waste time arguing with your angry self. Go on one of those Aryan Nation boards if you do not like what you read here. Otherwise, you'll just write your comments in vain, because I will start deleting your ass. I don't tolerate classism or discrimination on my site and your cowardly comment crossed the line.

You can have an opinion, but you didn't have to go there with the 'ghetto' bit. Is that all you got? How pathetic.

Monique the "mad white woman" said...

I never said I was representing the "entire white race." And about the ghetto remark, I shouldn't have said it.

I am angry, though, at the fact that you state you don't tolerate classism or discrimination, but you yourself said this is an african american blog.

You may not believe me, but I don't look down on the african american race. I do, however, have a disdain for people who claim to be classy, then say things like, holla, on the regular, on the rock steady, and "yo azz cuz dat aint my dayum name."

The only people I know that talk like that are the ones that don't have an education.

Don't worry about me, because I won't waste my time coming to a blog of a classless, uppity woman.