Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Apprentice week #2...

O-KAY! So, we're back with week 2 of The Apprentice, not the "Apprenti," as super black man Randal so eloquently put it during last season's finale. So, shall we begin?

First things first...Trump's daughter looks fierce, and I do not care what anyone says: THE. SUIT. IS. FLY.

Extracurricular boobage in all.

Dude on the left is daddy, while homey on the right channeling Fire Marshall Bill is Bill, the winner from that other season where the self-professed skirt chaser Kwame failed to put the smackdown on Homorosa and failed to win the competition. Ivanka and Bill filled in for Trump's usual los vatos, Carolyn and George. Don't know where they are...perhaps off filming a sex tape to leak to the media for added publicity or something. The NY Post claims this to be the best season ever" but I just haven't seen it yet. Cocoa says... expect the Ultimate Hustler Trump to bring the hype...

Eww. Just gross and so to' up...somebody please fire her already for lack of hair care skills. I would tell you her name, but then I just wonder "for what??" I am normally not so hard on White Chocolate, but chicky is from NYC and KNOWS better than to hop on TV without taming the coif! I also want her gone because she pulled a serious 'stereoptypical white girl' move, which will help all the 'haters' reaffirm her clan as whiny and cut-throat. More on that one later...

This is Lenny... Homey is so my [insert the black word that Cocoa is seriously trying to abandon]. I would tell you all the reasons why, but then wondered 'why?' Lenny is from Jersey by way of the former U.S.S.R. (nuff said). He spent the entire challenge putting the verbal smack down on his team's pre-pubescent project manager. Homey decided he was tired of listening to the "boss" go on and on and on and on (sound familiar?) without going any damn where at all. So, he grabbed two chicks and bounced to get some actual work done. In the words of Ms. Maya Wilkes, Oh Hell Yes! That's what Cocoa is talking about...I am going to bust that move on my boss at next week's staff meeting.

On second thought...

hmm...

...


...maybe not.

Okay, back to this week's "challenge." Unlike last week's "Pimp that Blimp" task (no, it wasn't really called that...this is NBC, negras, NOT the Oscars!), this assignment wasn't really challenging at all. Trump charged the crew with creating a text message campaign to promote a new (ooh!) razor. The team that convinces the most folk to text message a numeric code wins! Not that hard, right? Yet, on second second thought, Cocoa does have some very paid friends who damn near pop an artery when asked to text (versus call) her. I mean, damn, it’s a 10-cent message and you’re a flippin’ dentist for crying out loud!!!

The challenge has just started and Fatty "Black," season 5's token minority of choice, is already acting a fool. The project manager, Pepi, is telling FB the team wants him to go home, but that figga Brent ain't having it! None-too-cute chick claims he "physically threatened her" and even tosses in a few key terms for heightened dramatic effect, including "in my face," "confronted," "angry" (sound familiar, anyone?). So what was the criminal defense attorney's crime? She later goes on to deny ever using the word 'threatening,' but then later uses it again in the boardroom when her a$$ is undoubtedly becoming grass. With Fatty saying say-no-go, the team finished its brainstorm session and that fine Cocoa boy Michael - who I am beginning to think is gay...dammit! - comes up with a non-MJ-bad idea to dress the team in bathrobes to attract attention.

Lenny getting all gangsta (yet again)...

He's not trying to follow the project manager's instructions and tells him to report at the event location "NOW." Click. I have a feeling that this one isn't going down without a boardroom fight. Yeah, I can see it now: Trump says "You're fired!" and Lenny flies across the conference room table, choking Trump in the neckhold. Security flies on screen and the news is all over Page Six the next morning! The only story in Apprentice history bigger than this one will be the Carolyn-George sex tape.

It's now the morning of the challenge and Team Goldrush is already off to a head start. While they're setting up shop, the other team is still sleeping. Black girl saves the day (yes, she has now officially spoken - let the downfall begin). She wakes up everyone and get them a-going...

Fatty Black done officially lost it...

After doing The Robot, The Whop, The Running Man and The Moonwalk to draw a crowd, his team STILL LOSES BY NEARLY 260 TEXT MESSAGES!

THE BOARDROOM

Again, what a doll...

Glad to know she isn't afraid of the knife. Then again, with a cut-throat, ruthless daddy like Trump, how could she be scared of a little something sharp? Ivanka was not at all impressed with either team. That's it...what more is there to say...it's her f#cking daddy's show!

In the end, Team Goldrush wins! The losers, of course, all gang up on Fatty Black with one exception. The token negra done gone mad and gone against the grain. Everybody else blames the figga and she blames the project leader. WHY??!?!?!?!?!!

Expect her descent to be muy quick.

The fugly chick gets the boot (she picked the terrible location) along with the team's project leader, Pepi. Fatty Black stays, but for how loong?!?!


Oh, as a black person, how could I forget...

Trump pulled some publicity stunt of sorts involving two negro men and a white guy where he donated clothes from (none other than) the Trump Collection (say whaa?!?!?!). All of the guys were down and out thanks to 9/11 and one even claims that he used to be a stockbroker, but after losing his job, he "fount out" that he had tremendous stress to battle. Yeah, and my 5'8, 170 lbs. behind was a runway model. Cocoa smells something a bit fishy. Perhaps it's that publicity whore Trump's overworked, overpromo'd, overhyped used-up cooch? Who does this heifer think he is fooling with this madness! MEMO TO TRUMP: We do not care if you do not care about anyone but yourself...it's okay.

Cocoa Girl's Pinkslip Prediction for Next Week:
So, I was wrong this time, Fatty Boom Boom made it through unscathed. I have no idea who is going down next week. Cocoa will, however, predict that the Cococa with the bad weave is about to get herself in a whole heap of trouble. You just watch! Never go against the clique at work -- NEVER (play sinister laugh track here)!!!!!!

CG./R.

12 comments:

Hot Grrrl said...

Yo, kudos right back atcha-- I'm loving your blog! You say we met online? Have we met offline? Help and refresh my memory! If it's not written on a post-it I tend to forget!:)

Cocoa Girl said...

Cool. Welcome Hot Grrrl and thanks for the kudos:) I was saying that we've prolly crossed paths before in Harlem World.

Georgiapeach said...

If you are going to be doing recaps, then I need to start watching. This post was very interesting. I love The Apprentice, I didn't even know a new season started.

Georgiapeach said...

"Is every n!gga with dreads for the cause?
If every n!gga with gold for the fall?
Nah, so don't get caught up in appearance..."

Oh my goodness. Why I singing this on the way to your site..now that's weird.

Cocoa Girl said...

Hahaha...welcome! I'm waiting for the show to pick up!

Come back now!

kenny said...

So glad Stacey was fired. She was very wishy-washy with the whole "Brent threatened me" thing. I'm glad Roxanne stuck up for Brent.

Also, for the dude who was a "stock broker".. it's not THAT hard to get another job if you had experience, the market is definitely in his favor as far as job prospects.

free..like.. said...

This is Mwabi.

Got a new blog.

http://thelovelyinme.blogspot.com/

Cocoa Girl said...

Hey girlie...I was wondering what happened to ya! Thanks for letting me know. R

Supa said...

Hey Ms. Cocoa!!! I'm back in the matrix & trying to play catch up in the blog (and real) world!!!

LOVE your recaps, will definitely come back and read in full lata..I got distracted by the bomb ass shoes and purse!!!!!

Hope all is well. And how's Queen Alexa????

Single Ma said...

I missed it...dang! Good recap though. I feel like I was chillin on the couch right next to ya.

Monday nights @ 9, I'm watching Toni and Lynn act a fool, Joan deal with her Obsessive Compulsive issues, William avoid his gay tendencies, and Mya cuss 'em all out so they can stay in check.

Ok, so what time does Apprentice come on again? And when I can see Alexa??????????

"Orthodox Apprentice" said...

It's nice to see that there's another blog discussing Apprentice from a minority perspective.

Cocoa Girl said...

Ditto - I definitely have to check you out. Is your discussion more of a, um, serious one per se?