Wednesday, March 29, 2006

An open letter to Miss 'Scooze me'

You may not remember me, but we sort of met on the local #1 one Tuesday morning. Like most of the passengers, I was headed to work. Remember the lady with the hardhat? She probably was reporting to her construction gig. White dude in the gray suit with the yamaka (think: mini-scully meets the doo-rag)? Yup, he was on the way to somebody's office for sure. Hey, even the Young Jeezy look-alike sporting the BK-logo polo with the popped collar was on his way to work (sorry, but he actually was not reppin’ Brooklyn). So, pretty much every-damn-body on that train was headed to a job, which they more than likely obtained as the result of an interview, which they more than likely obtained due, in part, to a decent resume, which they more than likely were able to compile based on a decent (or at least 'working') command of the English language.

Now, as far as where in the Sam hell your Huck-Finn azz was/IS going (in life), Cocoa has no clue. At first glance, my boy Vic and I assumed that like all the other teens on the train, you were also headed to school, where you could receive some level of education, which would one day help you compile a decent resume, because you would actually like to apply what you learned in school to the rest of your life and get a job, right?

Well, in spite of our education, common sense and combined 61 years spent on this earth, your now-famed exit from the subway – and thank God, our lives – taught the both of us we still have a LOT to learn:

“Ooey...ooey...scooze me. Scooze me, ya'll, I godda ged off. Scooze me ebbybodee…."
If the train would have been any quieter at this horrific moment in Negra time, I would have been deaf. Had it been any more packed, I would have been a sardine in hot sauce. And, had I been any more disgusted and utterly amazed at what I’m sure you felt was a “cute” little speech impediment, I would have been a blonde, blue-blooded, rich b!tch from Boston named Buffy.

Forgive me if I seem a tad harsh, but the complete absence of cotton gins, burlap “slacks,” Negro spirituals and whips really had me confused as to the origins of your dialect. Whether from the Continent, the Islands or the South, I would hope that your mother, mammy, mami, mom, mommy or mama did not teach you to talk like so.

So, unless you plan to earn a living by playing an extra in EVERY slave epic made for the big screen, working the chitterling circuit, or by miming your way toward a paycheck, please drop ignant speech. It is not cute.

Sincerely,
Cocoa Girl

23 comments:

Sublime said...

You just perfectly described so many young people I know. Disheartening, really.

I just found your blog by doing the 'next blog' thing at the top of the page. I'm looking forward to reading more. If you get a chance check out my Q&A blog called The Big Question (http://bigquestion2day.blogspot.com). Every day I post a new question then my readers respond. Come answer a few question if you want. I love reading the answers from all the diverse people that visit.

Take care Cocoa,
Sublime

Cocoa Girl said...

Thanks for stopping by sublime. Yes, it is disheartening. Yet, it is also widely embraced by a growing contigency of black folks (sigh).

I will check you out today...

Unsaid said...

don't even get me started on the speech thing. the sad thing is that wherever she is headed she is probably expected to speak that way or be told that she's trying to be white! somebody better tell her!

that's where we need to start though. we need all of us to realize that black people with positive traits are not trying to be white!

anyway...obviously you've triggered a little anger within me lol

nice post!

Me said...

too funny - i work for a major bank in nyc and there is a lady in the mail room , older black lady, who called me one day ..the voicemail went something like this

"Hello ? is this here Stephanie ? I's need to know which flo you is one cause I's got a package downs here fo you" I's not sure where you's is but could you call me and let me know where I needs to send this"

Lord I was so dissapointed !

Supa said...

at this time...before I've had my tea...I am unsure as to whether expound on ethnic/social/political debate re: language, OR laugh my fucking ass off...(scooze me)..I will return later, once I figure out which route..I'd like to take.......

thank you.

Kenny said...

Mammy is working in the mail room now?

Supa said...

lmao @ Me's comments!!!!!!!!

Cocoa Girl said...

Unsaid - you're funny! But I feel you nonetheless!

Me - I here ya, girl! The chicks in the mailroom at my company are the worst...green hair streaks in all (and I mean money green!)

Cocoa Girl said...

Kenny - You ain't never lied!

Supa - You are TOO crazy...girl, I think you should have your tea, first.

;-)

i like liquor and tv said...

you should have tripped her up, then said "Oh scooze me girl!"

Miss Ahmad said...

Cocoa posts like this make me sooo excited to read your book!

you go girl! tell the truth and shame the devil!

Single Ma said...

Why y'all up in hea talkin 'bout me? And to think...I thought y'all wuz my friendz. *quietly walkin away with my head down*

Single Ma said...

And I'm sawwy Colored Girl, I aint mean da bump in 2 you.

*thinkin* I hate when black folx try to act all uppity like white peeples

T. Cas said...

There's this girl at work that sounds exactly like Buckwheat. It's so embarrassing to hear her talk. She mixes up her verb tenses and leaves out words.

"Mitta Jones, Iz anything else I can assistance you wif?"

Cocoa Girl said...

I Like LQ and TV - LOL!!! I think I might have taken an "L"

Thanks Miss Ahmad:)

SingleMa - You are SO crazy! I think the way you spelted (LOL) 'folx' is hilarious!

Do I detect a repressed boughetto girl???

Cocoa Girl said...

T.Cas - The "eff" sound that replaces "th" on many a word is the absolute worst, e.g. "Norf High" (my almamater) or "Souf Side"

Nichelle said...

Hahaha @Cocoa: The chicks in the mailroom at my company are the worst...green hair streaks in all (and I mean money green!)

Single Ma said...

LOL @ repressed boughetto girl

In just a few short months, you've gotten to know me so well ;-)

MsJayy said...

Ooo! Imagine holding (or trying to) a conversation with someone who talks about how their 'collobs' (collards) aren't cooked or how her 'husbund' has a foot 'famish'. AND she used to be a manager....Lawdhammercy!

DPM said...

I cain't front. I enjoy breaking the monotonous silence on the train. Being the only intimidating Black man is something I indulge in soemtimes.

One day I was suited and booted and the train was packed! So I yelled, "Can y'all squizzle to the middle?"

You shoulda' seen the faces. I was trying so hard not to laugh.

That shit worked.

dpm said...

I'm beginning to think I'm the typical mail room mannered type...

After all, that was my favorite place to take my breaks. I loved it in there. You're making me miss it. We had a girl there with a gang of sloppy tatts. I used to call her "Etch-A-Sketch."
She was white. Ironically, she climbed the ladder faster than all of us and she screwed half the mail room?...

I'm rambling.

Not a hipster said...

I like your open letter too, Cocoa. I've been waiting on it since you read mine! I'll write more, I'm sure, so check back for more "snarkiness of the week."

Cocoa Girl said...

Nichelle - I'm being serious - mad serious... No lie.

SingleMa - We ALL have a little of that tucked in the back, ready to tap in the case of an emergency.

MsJayy - LMAO @ "famish." I have heard that one sooo many times before!

DPM - I literally laughed out loud twice at "Can y'all squizzle to the middle?". That is a classic, and I love the fact that you were suited up.

Thanks NAH! I will!