Friday, March 03, 2006

You might be White in Corporate America if...

For the confused of you, yes, this is a humor blog dedicated to the experience of working while black. However, I am a Cocoa (read black) professional who truly values diversity AND who has a huge sense of humor. Translation: No hate mail, please...I'll just delete it anyway!

A little history for those new to the topic... Lil' Mo a.k.a. Monique a.k.a. "Mad White Woman" didn't care too much for a previous post of mine, entitled "You might be black in Corporate America if...," and presented the idea that there would be "chaos" if someone posted the same thing regarding white people.

I disagree and, granted, while I am not white, I think ANYONE subject to the craziness of Corporate America could laugh at such...as long as it's funny, tactful and honest. So, I'd thought I'd take a crack at it!

Disclaimer: Again, I'se a negra who has only sailed on the C.S.S. (corporate slave ship). Therefore, if your experience is different, do share, but do not waste your time ranting how mine is wrong. It's called an 'experience' for a reason...

You might be white in corporate America if...

1. With the sincerity of an innocent child, you wonder why you have to attend diversity training when everyone else at your job looks just like you.

2. Yet, you're excited to attend the office's diversity training workshop because it will be a great and entertaining break from the work routine (don't worry – black people think it's a joke, too).

3. You feel obligated to compliment a black person at your job whenever referencing their race - even under perfectly legitimate circumstances. OR…

4. You avoid (at all costs) referencing a black person’s race when talking to another black person – even under perfectly legitimate circumstances. e.g. "I'm looking for the, ah, tall brunette with brown eyes. Um, I think she’s the, uh, only other, um, brunette that works here...real pretty, ah, excellent dresser...um, she's a very, very, VERY nice girl..."

5. Without a drop of embarrassment, shame or lowered voice, you openly proclaim “What up, dog?” to colleagues another race and easily admit to said folk of another race that you love Pimp My Ride, the Ying-Yang Twins and The Parkers.

6. You instantly believe that your black colleague's new just-past-the-shoulders hairdo is real although it was only to her ears one week ago. (Award yourself double points if you EVER have thought Beyonce’s coif is real!)

7. (You might be a white woman if in corporate America if…) You compliment your black colleague's new hairstyle and immediately ask "Can I touch it?" or just go ahead and cop a feel sans permission.

8. You've been working on the same floor for two years but had never held a conversation with any of the custodial or pantry crew. (Give yourself triple points if you don’t even know their names)

9. You double take when seeing more than one black employee gathered together at once. (Tack on quadruple points if you’ve ever wondered what they’re talking about)

10. You experience a tiff with one coworker and it forever remains a problem between two people - not four, five, 10 or all colleagues, managers and eventually HR.

11. Whatever you are doing, you immediately shift focus upon hearing the words "affirmative" and "action."

12. When one-on-one with certain black colleagues, you find it difficult to hold non-work related conversations that exceed 2 minutes and if you were to ever contemplate the source, you’d notice one of the following things: they didn’t belong to a historically white sorority/fraternity; doesn’t live in your neighborhood and does not frequent pubs and/or bars.

13. You feel the need to soften any legitimately negative feedback in your black worker's annual review due to (ridculous? irrational?) notions of discrimation claims or a lawsuit.

Anymore? And, remember - EVERYBODY - this is not the Black bastian of racism. So keep those comments clean and keep 'em funny!

Have one hellavu weekend!!!
CG./R.

21 comments:

Singing said...

Hysterical!! Completely Hysterical!!

When I read your post yesterday, I thought it was pure hog wash and as you stated...this is a black blogs...so you can say whatever you want.

Cocoa Girl said...

Gracias:) Welcome, Singing...thanks for checking me out...

Miss Ahmad said...

awesome awesome awesome! i am cracking up and looking at the folks in my office sideways!

Single Ma said...

^5 with #7

LOL @ the others. Girl, you a trip!

Harlem Songstress said...

ROFLMAO!! CG--^5 #8---u forgot to add in the security guards in the lobby of the building, AND the mailroom clerks-LOL

I tell you, at my last job, on my floor there was three black people (inclusing myself) and two of us sat in nearby areas. Someone from another floor in my company addressed me as my black colleague's name (mind you I am a light caramel complexion and she was cocoa AND myname starts with a "k" and hers with a "p"). Obviously someone pretty much described my colleague as black and she jsut went to the first one she came across. She probably was "shocked-and-sugared" to know there were actully TWO of us on the floor-lol

Monique the "mad white woman" said...

Eehhh....the only one that even remotely rang true is #7. And that's only because we don't put weaves in our hair like you do, and we'll be forever curious as to why someone would. So we want to know what it feels like. That one was funny! Sorry, but the others weren't really humorous.

Cocoa Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cocoa Girl said...

I actually disagree with you. I've never worn weave in all of my life. Also, out of all of the of black girlfriends my entire 29 years of life, only two worn weave. So, please cut the generalization.

White people always want to touch my hair - and other black people's - when it's in its natural state. Yup, "nappy."

Never have understood the fascination...could you explain? Do you know...

Single Ma said...

I sure would like Ms. Mo to identify herself with a link to her page. I was feelin a little compassion for my vanilla sista at first, but she's coming very close to crossing the line...again.

But since you went there, let me check you real quick. For YOUR information, I have NEVER worn a weave in my life. I can tell you why you're so fascinated. It's because my hair is versatile (there's that word again, go look it up for me please cuz you aint recognizing). I can wear it up, down, curly, straight, crinkled, rodded, kinky, twisted, locked, etc. and STILL look fabulous. Don't hate cuz you're stuck with a straight, stringy mess.

I was trying to be civilized but you are pissin' me off!!!

Miss Ahmad said...

white girls get weaves all the time Miss Monique, ever take a look at Miss Glamorous ass Pamela Anderson?
WEAVE!

Paris Hilton

WEAVE WEAVE!

average white girl in hollywood with long hair, WEAVE

runway MODELS!

WEAVE

the list goes on!

Monique the "mad white woman" said...

WHOA, I apologize, because my comments about weaves wasn't very well worded, and thus was misunderstood. I was not making a generalization about ALL black women having weaves. I realize it sounded like that, but I did NOT mean that.

And Singlemom, I realize your hair is very versatile, which is where the vanilla girl's fascination stems from. You're right, we can't do that with our hair! That's why some of us want to touch it, because it may be silly, but we just want to know what it feels like. I could never get my hair to do that. (FYI-I don't have a straight, stringy mess.) :)

Sorry for pissing you off, my point was not clear.

And yes, white girls do wear extensions, but they feel and look differently. You'll never see Paris "wear it up, down, curly, straight, crinkled, rodded, kinky, twisted, locked, etc. and STILL look fabulous."

I think extensions look dumb on white chicks, which is why I didn't bring it up. Weaves look different, that's where the juvenile fascination comes from. Does that explain it any better?

The Truth said...

You know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

Monique the "mad white woman" said...

What?

mrs.tj said...

"Vanilla Girl" I like that term.
I thought Vanilla Girls and Cocoa girls weaves came from the same packages?
Holla!

Cocoa Girl said...

OMGosh...you are TOO CRAZY!!! LOL

Georgiapeach said...

They always asks if my hair is real. Even though it is short one week and long the next. They just don't get it. Why is that? They wear weave...oops I mean "extensions" too..lol.

Monique said...

FYI, I am not one of those people that ask if it's real. But I don't think they mean is it YOUR real hair, just is it real hair in general. Some vanilla's that get hair extensions get real human hair. Maybe that's what they mean?

I still don't know what the truth was talking about up there...

Miss Ahmad said...

monique i have the feeling you are having the time of your life with your anonymous self lurking with the black girls...that in itself is funny!

Monique said...

I don't know if I'd call it the time of my life...when I wrongly insulted cocoa, and instead of people slamming me, they actually explained stuff, that humbled me. Now I don't mean to be all sappy, but maybe I'll learn more, and besides, I do like the blog. :)

Cocoa Girl said...

Aww shucks...thanks!

Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! » »