For the confused of you, yes, this is a humor blog dedicated to the experience of working while black. However, I am a Cocoa (read black) professional who truly values diversity AND who has a huge sense of humor. Translation: No hate mail, please...I'll just delete it anyway!
A little history for those new to the topic... Lil' Mo a.k.a. Monique a.k.a. "Mad White Woman" didn't care too much for a previous post of mine, entitled "You might be black in Corporate America if...," and presented the idea that there would be "chaos" if someone posted the same thing regarding white people.
I disagree and, granted, while I am not white, I think ANYONE subject to the craziness of Corporate America could laugh at such...as long as it's funny, tactful and honest. So, I'd thought I'd take a crack at it!
Disclaimer: Again, I'se a negra who has only sailed on the C.S.S. (corporate slave ship). Therefore, if your experience is different, do share, but do not waste your time ranting how mine is wrong. It's called an 'experience' for a reason...
You might be white in corporate America if...
1. With the sincerity of an innocent child, you wonder why you have to attend diversity training when everyone else at your job looks just like you.
2. Yet, you're excited to attend the office's diversity training workshop because it will be a great and entertaining break from the work routine (don't worry – black people think it's a joke, too).
3. You feel obligated to compliment a black person at your job whenever referencing their race - even under perfectly legitimate circumstances. OR…
4. You avoid (at all costs) referencing a black person’s race when talking to another black person – even under perfectly legitimate circumstances. e.g. "I'm looking for the, ah, tall brunette with brown eyes. Um, I think she’s the, uh, only other, um, brunette that works here...real pretty, ah, excellent dresser...um, she's a very, very, VERY nice girl..."
5. Without a drop of embarrassment, shame or lowered voice, you openly proclaim “What up, dog?” to colleagues another race and easily admit to said folk of another race that you love Pimp My Ride, the Ying-Yang Twins and The Parkers.
6. You instantly believe that your black colleague's new just-past-the-shoulders hairdo is real although it was only to her ears one week ago. (Award yourself double points if you EVER have thought Beyonce’s coif is real!)
7. (You might be a white woman if in corporate America if…) You compliment your black colleague's new hairstyle and immediately ask "Can I touch it?" or just go ahead and cop a feel sans permission.
8. You've been working on the same floor for two years but had never held a conversation with any of the custodial or pantry crew. (Give yourself triple points if you don’t even know their names)
9. You double take when seeing more than one black employee gathered together at once. (Tack on quadruple points if you’ve ever wondered what they’re talking about)
10. You experience a tiff with one coworker and it forever remains a problem between two people - not four, five, 10 or all colleagues, managers and eventually HR.
11. Whatever you are doing, you immediately shift focus upon hearing the words "affirmative" and "action."
12. When one-on-one with certain black colleagues, you find it difficult to hold non-work related conversations that exceed 2 minutes and if you were to ever contemplate the source, you’d notice one of the following things: they didn’t belong to a historically white sorority/fraternity; doesn’t live in your neighborhood and does not frequent pubs and/or bars.
13. You feel the need to soften any legitimately negative feedback in your black worker's annual review due to (ridculous? irrational?) notions of discrimation claims or a lawsuit.
Anymore? And, remember - EVERYBODY - this is not the Black bastian of racism. So keep those comments clean and keep 'em funny!
Have one hellavu weekend!!!