After hearing about my fellow Cocoa folks' struggles with making it into work on time, I began to wonder if there is some scientific, social and/or medical explanation as to why negroes run so darn late. My pontifications brought me to a funny story involving my favorite Auntie, Cynthia.
Mom Cocoa (Mrs. Goody-Two-Shoes): '"Cynthia, you cannot park here...this space is a handicapper."
Aunt Cocoa: Backs the car up, ignoring Cocoa's mom
Mom Cocoa (from the front passenger seat): "Cynthia, did you hear me? I said that you cannot park here. You're going to get a ticket or - even worse - you will be towed. It doesn't matter if this is your job's parking lot, you will get fined..."
Aunt Cocoa (totally annoyed): "Look dammit, I black ain't I?"
Mom Cocoa: Blank stare
Aunt Cocoa (invisible hand-on-hip motion): "I said: we black, ain't we? Shyt, the way them motherf*ckers act sometimes, they must think being black is a handicap. So, I should be able to park here if I damn well want to WHEN I damn well please cuz we are f*cking handicapped."
I nearly fell out the car laughing.
While I recognize that my auntie was being hella facetious, two years later, I still tend to contemplate ways that black folks on the job should/could/perhaps one day would qualify for our very own sub-section under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Of course, negroes' chronic tardiness always tops the list. I mean, what other race/group of folks runs late like we do?
Mistah Webster defines the term disability as "a disadvantage or deficiency, especially a physical or mental impairment that interferes with or prevents normal achievement; something that hinders or incapacitates."
'Hinders or incapacitates,' huh? Based on this stuff, Cocoa felt challenged to determine additional reasons why black folk should qualify for a little special treatment on the job. Thoughts so far have included a cognitive inability to grasp an understanding of Eurobonics beyond a remedial level and anxiety attacks triggered by "Woo-hoo!," which rings dangerously close to Klan battle cries and can render Cocoas scared to participate in any team-related function or event on the job.
Did I miss any?