Saturday, July 08, 2006

Black people do the darndest things!

No matter how pro-Black Cocoa feels on any given day, I would be a straight up lie, if I did not admit that there are a few things The Race can (and does!) do to drive my behind up a wall.

Yes, other races also partake in a bit too much ‘group-think’ for Cocoa’s liking, BUT they ain’t my people. So, outside of work, commuting to work, shopping at Bloomingdales, visiting most of my doctors, ordering my food, trying on shoes, and seeking customer service, Cocoa tries to give herself a break on thinking about the others as much as possible.

Back to the lecture at hand… There are a few annoying/trifling/just plan a$$ RIDICULOUS things that Cocoa cannot/does not/probably should understand about The Race… can you help a sister out?

Black people, why do other black people...

...keep molesters around the children? I cannot recall how many times (even my OWN family) that I've heard "it's not job to judge people...it's GOD's!" Um…since when did keeping the nasty bastard away from the family kiddies qualify as ‘judging?’ And, don't get me started on that pervert R-Kel...

...call people on their cell phones when they're at work? Random yes, but it JUST HAPPENED to me! I work, dammit. Do not call my freaking mobile at 2:57 on a Friday afternoon!

...think it's now cool to rock Botox and fake boobs? Many influential black women are now taking a spin on this self-hatred joyride. There weren't enough folks already hating and hating on us that we needed to join in on all the fun, too?

...act like 'New Age' is the hottest thing since slice bread? Not that everyone needs to be on Team Jesus, or kneeling for the sake of Allah, but gimme a damn break. A peachy-colored Jesus and a few obviously necessary rules of conduct ain't excuse enough for your a$$es to denounce all religion as the evil.

...rally around obviously guilty muthafuggas just because they're black? Hell, yes! I DID bring it back to that trifling R-Kel. Heads up: If you know that your response will contain the words "others" and "do it," save your stroking (of the keyboard) for that R&B rapist’s fan club site!

...represent 5'1/220 lbs. as "thick?" Granted, I am not going to diss Team Chunk whatsoever - especially since I might soon join the squad (Cocoa loves me a meal Popeye's and strawberry cupcakes!) – but, last time I checked, the proper adjective for a hefty dose of madness like so was called UNHEALTHY!

...in particular, why does a large part of black women pledge allegiance to the tribe of Blackcockown Lee when a large part of brothers do not/will not grant them the same place on the totem pole?

...denounce issues like 'colorism' as passe, like all the brown girls getting play in Hollyhood nowadays don't have Euroquestionable features and silky, blonde weave down their backs?

...get disrespectful when you chastise their kids for being disrespectful?

Cocoa's just asking… Got answers? Got more questions?

Cocoa Girl

42 comments:

Unruly Brown said...

Well, I'm 100% with you on the RK foolishness. I refuse to buy his albums while other folks act like he's still the best thing ever. "Separate what he did from his music," I was told is what they're doing. Yeah, okay. That's like separating Bushit the person from the terrible job he's doing as prez. Fucc not judging. What'd I say in my post about "masks."

As for people calling the cell while I'm at work, I can't stand that mess either. I fix them though! I just turn it off when I get to work and don't turn it back on till I leave. Lately I'm leaving it off while I'm home too. Those who really need to reach me know my home number.

As for the last one on folks being disrespectful, that's what I call "natural immaturity." It's natural, yet immature at the same time. It's just like when I was a kid. I would kick my little brother's ass up and down the block but let somebody else even THINK about trying it and it'd be ON.

meltron3000 said...

Cocoa, can you please explain this:

"...in particular, why does a large part of black women pledge allegiance to the tribe of Blackcockown Lee when a large part of brothers do not/will not grant them the same place on the totem pole?"

I'm not sure I follow you on that one.

As for everything else, I feel ya. Although my resentment runs a bit deeper. Maybe I'll write a post about it too.

lol @ 5'1" + 220lbs = thick

Cocoa Girl said...

OCH - LOL about your little brother! Yet, still, it bothers me to no end that many parents do not want to raise their kids nowadays and don't want anyone else to do it either.

Hey Meltron3000 - Tribe of Blackcockown Lee (black cock only). Just a play on words versus me reducing the relationship between black women and men to sex.

My question was that why do so many sisters continue to state that they will only date black men/keep black men first, when many brothers are not willing to and/or do not feel the need to make that same committment.

Now, if sisters are only into brothers, fair enough. However, outside of that explanation, I really do wonder what's behind some black women's undying "only"ness with black men...

Anonymous said...

first gotta say I love your site. you are speaking so much truth. What is even worse is when our brown sisters stay with brothers that are gay, and practicing. I can't stand it. I also can't stand when my brown people hate on interracial relationships, but worship the children from that union. I belive the main reason so many of my brown sisters are unhealthy, is because we have chosen to use the word thick instead of fat. Why is working out considered being white. We need to lose that idea right away.

solitaire said...

Good for you sis.... keep preaching it!

I agree with you 200% on the R. Kelly thing. Black people are HELLA STUPID when it comes to that Negro. Ugh! "Oh, he makes great music." SHUT THE HELL UP!

911 said...

Excellent post, what your saying all makes sense but everyone doesn't have common sense to make sense of these things.....felt like a riddle hopefully my point was made....1

Anonymous said...

That's interesting, because I don't know many black people who embrace "New Age". Most of them denounce it like it's the end of the world. Can't get married unless you accept HER religion. Can't go over THEIR house because they practice THIS relgion. Prolly why so many damn wars get fought over religion.

Cocoa Girl said...

Anon 1:48 - I hear you on that worshiping the mixed kids bit. It's crazy how a strong fascination with light skin and silky hair still exists to this day. It can be real sad. I witnessed it with a lot of my mixed friends growing up...black folks would be stroking and playing in their hair one day, talking about "it's so pretty!" and trying to yank it out the next day, saying "that [bitch] think she cute."

What's even crazier is how the same folks who tended to worship the light skin and curly hair (while really hating it at the same time) were typically the same ones who spat "tar baby!" Self-hatred at its finest!

Soli - I'm scared that I even wrote about R-Kel. The N.B.I. is probably already on my tail...

911 - Thanks for the compliment. BTW, I do feel you...

Anon 9:15 - Hola. I think the New Age storm is definitely thick on the coastal (aka, non bible belt) states and among those 'brand new,' aka new degrees, new money, new way of thinking, per se...

BTW, religion is and always will be the perfect catalyst (excuse?) for going to war. However, just because some evil folk thought to use it as the hook, doesn't mean that religion itself is bad.

People will always use something to conquer and divide - that's why we are inherently evil. Hell, look at School Daze...same race of folks, dividing themselves over class and skin color.

Just my two cents...

EmergingPhoenix said...

I agree with you on most of the things you pointed out. I am totally with you on the R. Kelly thing...it is an issue in our community yet we act like it doesnt carry long term reprecussions to the children who are exposed to it. I dont really care if I get called at work, my phone is usually off during work hours, but every place Ive worked all people take personal calls all day from their cell phones, so I guess I never saw it as a big deal.

I am totally with Anon (1:48) on the worshipping mixed children thing. The whole light/dark thing is soo ridiculous, I just dont acknowledge it and dole out unapologetic disgust to anyone who is insistent on me cosigning.

I also have to agree with Anon (9:15), I didnt realize that black folks were on the "New Age" kick (although I know it is big among everyone else). In my experience it has been the exact opposite.

Knockout Zed said...

All R Kels, no MJ? Both those cats deserve shunishment.

KZ

Miss Ahmad said...

Zed shouldn't you be busy with Shelly??


Cocoa, I love you for this post for so many reasons.

Thick=Fat more often than not, and I'm not talking about standards of beauty but health concerns.

Black Women only dating black men in my opinion is adding to some of the problems that are happening in our community in regards to black men. I mean hell, if the man has a job, most of his teeth, and a place to lay he could have damn near 12 women following after his ass hoping that he will wife them!

It's a damn shame, that somehow these men with with little to no morals are being worshiped just because they are black!

I love black love, however I do feel like in order for black women to maintain their self respect this behaviour of man sharing must stop! and if that means dating outside of your race so be it!

I totally over posted...oops!

T. Cas said...

does it count as support for the pied piper of R&B if I just downloaded his CD and didnt pay for it?

Kenny said...

It's so sad to see black people with that antiquated light skin/silky hair mentality (presumably which has its roots in antebellum america). when people do the things you described in a comment above (light skin, silky hair, hazel/green eyes) i really don't even try to entertain it. it also irks me when someone talks about how dark so-and-so's baby is. some of the comments are truly appalling. i mean, come on, do we not realize how much (subconscious?) hate we have for ourselves?

1969 said...

Nothing like having "underage girl" issues and then coming out with a song called "Trapped in the Closet".

Then MJ has "young boy" issues and he had a song called "Keep it in the Closet".

Hmmm...maybe they all need to stay outta the closet.

Cocoa Girl said...

Emerging Phoenix - Long, long, long, time no see:) Welcome back!

Do you think the fascination with light skin and "good" hair will ever end with black folk? I mean, really? How many decades are we removed from the antebellum South (in theory, at least)?

Zed - It's funny, because MJ never hit my radar. But, that's just because I assumed that black folk wouldn't ever DARE to circle the wagons around him...are they? Geesh.

Miss Ahmad - You didn't overpost, at all. Thanks for your comments.

You raised a very interesting point about black women furthering our plight via our own actions, in this case being turning the non-worthy men into demigods of sorts.

I mostly date black men, but am open to dating anyone. Respect is respect, well-raised is well-raised, Christian is Christian, good morals are good morals...if ya catch my drift.

Other black women often try and knock my hustle because I won't committ to dating black men exclusively. Then, they always go on and on and on to list all the reasons they love black men and could never look at another race.

What's interesting to me is that many of the women saying such things to me look as though they would have enjoyed a life of privilege in the eyes of many black men due to their physical attributes.

Perhaps I would be a little more brother gung-ho if I had received preferential treatment from our men, partcularly growing up in MPLS, which is where I actually received the exact opposite treatment for 18 years.

Just food for thought...not that every black women who only dates brothers was treated special based on their "look," but the opposite treatment could definitely help another sister open her eyes to Something New.

T.Cas - You gotta decide that one on your own. I personally thought that what he did was so appalling that his music doesn't even sound good to me anymore. But, that's just me.

Kenny - Hey Ken! Are you excited getting excited yet? BTW, I feel you on the whole color thing...

I wonder if the problem is worst in the North versus the South?

1969 - Good point.

Anonymous said...

before I went to college, I thought I was destined to be the dark skinned side kick, to my lighter sisters. then I went to college and men of different races thought i was the hot ish. It was so surprising, that Asian and Latin men could appreciate me, not in the experimental way ( a few of those) but more in a true friendship and attraction. What was sad was that it took me a long time to accept the positive attention, because I had been brainwashed to believe that beauty was something I wasn't.

Anonymous said...

oh yeah just to add to my previous post India.Arie's new cd came in at no.1 on Billboard, however it seems as if that accomplishment has gone unnoticed, however if Beyonce came out no. 1 i suspect it would be a parade in her honor. not Beyonce's fault she's just the lateset tool being used

Cocoa Girl said...

Anon 12:20p - I feel you tremendously. I believe this is a struggle for many girls born not looking a certain way. And, like many things in life, it's a struggle that will always be around. I do not see The Race making huge leeps and bounds toward great/widespread self-acceptance and self-love any time soon.

On the India.Arie note - Wow! Thing is, tho, the entertainment world can't survive if everyone felt really good about themselves and new their truth worth. Same thing with the fashion world...

Anonymous said...

Just my two cents -- first time I've posted, but I read this blog all the time.
I had to speak on the "colorism" thing, cause I'm damn sick of it. I'm fully Black (not bi-racial) and for some reason, very light-skinned. However, my features are ALL Black. I have a nose like 8 year old Michael Jackson, know what I'm saying. And I am so sick of not seeing any Black-featured women (light, dark or otherwise) on TV. I like the word you used - Euroquestionable features. I'm an actress, and you'd be amazed how many roles I get turned down for because of the way I look. My features are too Black for the White people, and my skin is too light for the Black people.
It's a double-edged sword, I think, and I'm darn sick of it. What do y'all think? Is it just skin color, or is it a whole wanna-be European look with the blond hair and the straight noses?

Cocoa Girl said...

Anon 1:10 - I definitely think colorism has taken on a new face and it's one with Euro features.

It's funny to hear some black folks talk about how color is a thing of the past in the community, when really and truly, it's a thing of the past for you as long as your features aren't African.

Same thing, basically...

Sangindiva said...

This was an ecellent post Cocoa!!

You touched on alot of the stpid ish our people need to get over- like keeping nasty uncle bob's sick a** AWAY FROM THE KIDS!! we ain't judging just keeping it real!!

Miss Ahmad said...

the color thing may never be a thing of the past because we still live in a colonialist romanticized society which is run by the same folks that slaved us...it's not just black people in this country either, it happens in India, Latin America, Africa and parts of Europe.

I have a baby sister who came out looking like a chocolate drop and two brothers who came out with blonde hair, blonde eyelashes and blonde eye brows, so I know that black is beautiful in all shades however them white folks will always worship what is more like them...and poor people of color just keep following suit!

Errata said...

those sound more like albino's to me

Anonymous said...

you know what i find disturbing in the media, is that the Black women in commercials are more likely than not to be overweight, not just plump but seriously heavy. that would be the same as having a Caucasian blond with her brown roots showing. now you know they would never air that. so many people get their impression of minorities from television, and i am always surprised when people(Caucasian) are shocked that i am height and weight proportioned(sp)

Eve said...

Oh my goodness, I love this discussion. I'm totally about to over-post here, and this is my first time to comment (though I've been reading for a while). In response to anon 7:00's comment, I feel you on the representation of black women in advertising. I went on a tirade last night to my DH about these 2 commercials that feature the same sista, one for paint (where she emasculates her husband and talks like a ghetto, chip-on-shoulder-having, stereotypical black woman) and one for, I think, a Dairy Queen blizzard where she screams at some white man on the train to "Get yo' bag offa me!" And don't even get me started on the Pine Sol mammy.

I feel you on the color-struck thing. My husband is white and I get sooooo sick and tired of people telling us how "cute" our kids are going to be. Honestly, I long for brown babies that look like little chocolate drops. I know that's not going to happen, and I will love my high yella babies whenever they get here, but it drives me crazy when people say that.

And about keeping the molester away from the kids...Lord, don't get me started with that either. I have issues with several members of my family to this day over that issue. And I know cocoa said not to mention what other races do, but I don't think we've got a lock on that craziness. I've seen people of all color on Oprah discussing that issue. I agree, though, that it is a particular problem in our community.

NOTOSO said...

you know the church can cure anything (including molesters). i don't think so

Miss Ahmad said...

And don't even get me started on the Pine Sol mammy.

The Pine Sol Mammy is Diane Amos, she's a good friend of my family's and has had that account for years and years. She's actually a really good actress and comic and I like her 'cuz she's real regular, but sometimes I wish she would get them braids tightened up before her shoot days!

those sound more like albino's to me
they looked like albinos too, but luckily for them they darkened up!

NOTOSO said...

you find work where you can get it, however you have to know when you are beign used to perpetuate a stereotype. not all Black women are overweight, talk slang and say honey at the end and beginning of every sentence. there is a unbalace in the way we are represented in the media.

Nichelle said...

Oh boy, I'm exhausted just reading this. It's all true Cocoa - the molesters in the family, the willful denial about colorism...

I'm just gonna co-sign with ya and go on to bed... :)

Cocoa Girl said...

Sangin - Girl, the weirdo uncles...ewww! Luckily, none of my close kinfolk were like that but still. Why don't families turn in the molesters?

Miss Ahmad - There is interesting research which states that more and more black kids in the inner city are being born albino. It's due to the fact that we're not getting enough Vitamin D (aka sunlight) in our blood. It's hella interesting...and real! See it in NYC like crazy...

Welcome, Errata!


Anon 7:00 - Cosign, two snaps in a circle! I believe the powers that be are hella scared for other races to be viewed/regarded in more humanistic/majority roles.

After all, non-white folks are becoming the majority.

Anon 7:49 - Cosign, two snaps in a triangle...black folks for sure have the loc on craziness. I'se sorry, but I think it's true.

We tend to except way too much craziness, silliness and downright stupidity from one another. And, why? Just because we're black and the white man tries to hold us down?

C'mon...

Notoso - I agree and disagree with you. I wholly believe in the power of God to cure any ailment - of the mind and body. HOWEVER, as someone studying God's word, I KNOW that if it ain't in the person's heart to change, it ain't happening ... church or no church!

I also know that many matters are NOT just matters of the spirit - they are also matters of the mind! Meaning, sure pray over your problems, but psychological issues are psychological issues and criminal situations are criminal situations.

If someone in your fam is messing with the kiddies, they are sick, perverted and criminals.

Therefore, call a shrink and the police... Oh, and be sure to pray for the sick criminal.

Miss Ahmad - It's a damn shame that Ms Amos' acting skills can only get her a role as the Pine Sol mammy.

But, you what, Molly Ringwald never survived her nerdy, 80s girl typecasting, either.

Hey Nichelle! Hope that sleep was good!

African girl, American world said...

Cocoa not playing!!! damn! I'm with you tho....why?

Anonymous said...

Muthafucking chuuuurch on everythang!!!

Hey Cocoa!

Supa said...

Oh that was me by the way. :)

Anonymous said...

Ain't no love like black on black love...the paler versions just don't do it for me. I am simply not attracted to melanin-deficient beings, thus my Blackcockown Lee orientation. And when one considers our history, a non-black man does not deserve me.

Signed,
An unassimilated sistah

Cocoa Girl said...

Hey Unassimilated Sistah -

I understand your non-attraction to non-Cocoa men. However, I would caution you against thinking that black-on-black love means one hasn't assimilated.

I've met plenty of "black love" unions were, really, the only thing Cocoa about these couples was the flavor of their favorite hot beverage or candy bar.

I do not believe that the race of whom one chooses to date has anything to do with assimilation.

There are plenty of self-hating black couples out there breaking their necks to get their kids into Jack and Jill...

Oops...did I say that?

notoso said...

totally agree Cocoa girl, I used to think the way Anon 11:30 did until I figured out the helpful sistah at work was the one trying to get me fired. Every perm aint for the fall and every dread aint down for the cause. that saying can be modified to so many situations.

Tired of being broke said...

I am right there with you on the cell phone thing. Each time my phone rings during the day I just ignore it. It is surprising that people who call during the day, always call for trivial things. hey am just calling to say hi...WTH it is 2pm don't you have a job to be at.

Glib Gurl said...

This whole conversation is fascinating and I agree with virtually everything that's been said. (I have to admit it - I still love me some MJ - even though he's obviously got a problem with the kiddies . . . .) As for the black women in commercials, I know exactly that sistah you mean ("What is yo' problem?!?!?!") On the one hand, I'm happy for her that she's gettin' that check; on the other, I am completely mortified and embarassed . . . . Also, I have to say that this *mammy* image hurts me in particular because I am an overweight sistah. (I gave up trying to pass for "thick" about 50 lbs ago . . . .) These images only compound the bad body image that I've already have just from being an overweight woman in this culture. When I see how silly and stereotypical these women (are forced to) behave in these commercials, I wonder, "Do my white co-workers see me like that? What about strangers on the street?" *sigh*

Great post. Great discussion.

Anonymous said...

innocent UNTIL proven guilty. My people, my people.

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