Wednesday, September 13, 2006

You had questions, Cocoa's got answers!

i like liquor and tv said...
What's your favorite food? Pretty much anything spicy, Thai or Indian.

Have you ever beat anyone up?
Katina Jackson in the girl’s locker room senior year. I was co-captain of the cheerleading squad and she was a member. Needless to say, I got kicked off the squad after I kicked her azz in front of about 20 spectators. We started in the locker room and moved it into the gym during the guys’ basketball practice (a strategic move by Cocoa, so Miss Jackson’s beat down would be put on serious blast!)

Did you used to like Oaktown 3-5-7? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…
Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah!

Anonymous 12:16pm said... You seem to hang out with a lot of snobby people....are you one of "those" black people... You know, you think you're better than the rest of us?
Cocoa is the same kind of black as you, baby. However, to answer you q, I am one of those black people. I am also one of those black folks who won't hesitate to cold tell you off if you cut off my moms AND one of those who will shoot a man the look of death should he fail to hold a door open for me or any other lady or elderly in my party.

Take from it what you like...

Harlem Songstress said... Have you ever stolen anything? If you answered yes-what was it, and how did u do it?!
Question not precise enough, so I get to say NO.

Thanks for playing!

Anonymous said...
Do you have any regrets in life? And if so, what are your biggest?
I regret that I did not attend Brown, although I was offered a “full ride” by the athletic department (offered to comp me based on my academics).

I regret not having a relationship with the sperm donor. Early experiences with the opposite sex set the stage for a looong time to come. I am still trying to get over some serious stuff. Brothers, please take this one seriously.

1969 said...
Cocoa...are you dating anyone at the moment? Yeah, I'm nosy!
No, she is not (*sobbing uncontrollably*). For real, I am actually on dating hiatus, which can last anywhere from two weeks to two years. All dependent upon how nutty/psychotic/far from normal the last guy was.

Do you plan on staying in NY for much longer or is Philly reaching out to you? :)
God is in control, but I just don’t know how much longer NYC is gonna be my place of residence. I have this strong urge for normalcy on the brain and it keeps saying stuff like North Carolina… and Philadelphia… I think I romanticize the two places, because they represent a life settled to a Minnesota girl currently living in Harlem.

Must have item for Fall? Solid direction. A book deal. Peace with God and my moms. Oh, a banging pair of purple or plum suede stilettos would seal the deal, too!

Harlem Songstress said...
What do you feel are your struggles when it comes to "living your religion"?
My biggest struggle is potentially having to give up on desires that I have always dreamed of. I say “potentially,” because there is a very strong chance that what I want might be outside of God’s will for me. In a nutshell, if I am truly “living my religion” then I should 1) believe He has a plan for me and 2) pray to know it AND accept it over my own plans. Right?

JaySpice said...
I'm new to the site. What did you have surgery for?
Welcome JaySpice (love that name!). I had a myomectomy, which is a common surgery especially for African American women.

meltron3000 said...
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Some type of living thing is there to hear it, so yes. Hell, even roaches run upon hearing noises…um, so I hear… :D

What does blue smell like?
Like the color red…

If Mr Smith's peacock lays an egg in Mr Jones' yard, who owns the egg?
Was the peacock breaking and entering?

Is noon AM or PM?
Depends on midnight’s status, mane!

Knockout Zed said...
I can't ask. Or better yet, I won't ask. I'd rather be shown.
I swear up and down that my imagination is vivid. Yet, I KNOW that it is not vivid enough for this …

Pam said...
I really enjoy your blog. Your tone comes thru in your writing and puts me in such a better mood. (Thanks Pam – glad to be of service!)

How long do you plan to keep writing in this forum?
I love communicating with people, so I would like to maintain this platform for as long as I can! Depending on where life takes me, I may or may not have time to keep it up.

My youngest sister seems alot like you, adventurous, loves challenges and very precise (read Anal retentive) all of which characteristics I envy. When do you plan to become your bosses boss? (smile)
You know, as much as I complain about working for others, I do not fantasize about one day running my own shit. True, I do not like reporting into petties, crazies or morons, but lawd knows that I sure as hell do not want to manage the mofos either!

If Cocoa can’t beat ‘em, then don’t let me manage ‘em!

I am too exact to allow someone else to work under me. There are few folks who can pick up on and emulate my insanity. All of my direct supervisors have been hella anal retentive, almost psychotic. I am too.

And finally, what will settle you down?
A fine ass man who is spiritual, ambitious and is crazy about me who asks to be my husband and desires a strong family unit with no less than three kids, a few animals, and a place called home.

A cocoa girl can dream, right?

Single Ma said...
When are you coming thru DC so I can meet Ms Cocoa Fabulous?
Hopefully before the end of year!

When are you dropping that novel?
Good question. I have a few more leads to exhaust with publishing houses and agents. If they don’t go anywhere, then I may need to look to self publishing. BTW, thanks for the forwardJ

I apologize if I'm making assumptions, but why Ms Cocoa aint got no man?
Because I have not been looking – seriously. I am not at all trying to sound self-righteous, but I do not really put the effort into meeting men that I should.

I know that I am approaching 30 with strong desires of marrying and building a family (in that order!), but I definitely feel as though I do not put in the effort that I should to go out and meet the opp sex. Got any ideas…please share!

Have you ever tried "Something New?" *wink*
I have…once. He was very nice looking, obtaining his M.B.A., living on the UWS and all that. Yet, something was a little off.

Long story short, Cocoa was able to determine (rather quickly) that dude was a negraphile, meaning that he only dated black women. No white; no Indian; no Latina…nothing but black. Still, I was willing to give him a chance, until he felt comfortable enough to comment (during date #1) on how black men “always seem to date white women below their level/that white men do not want,” while white men only grab the crème de la crème of the black stock.

Has Cocoa made this same comment before? Hell yeah, but I am black! There was just something off about his level of comfort and the fact that his comment seemed a bit much rooted in spite.

Did you "really" return that skirt and those shoes? ;-)
I did! Yesterday!!! I’se now $259 less broke!

Are you a bougie ghetto girl in denial? Ha!
Unfortunately, not. I am just bourgie. I only did “ghetto” up until about 9 years of age and that was only because my b.f.f.’s happened to be the five “BeBe” kids next door. When they moved (their 21-year-old mother Mildred died of a crack overdose), my dealings with the ghettois was over. Actually, it may have started when their mammy broke into our apartment while we were away on vacation! They robbed my mom and I blind! Even somehow managed to remove a big floor model TV from the crib!

Crackheads are a determined bunch! A friend of a friend commented that they are the biggest source of untapped labor in the United States, because they will do anything – including work any job – to get their next hit.

Okay…serious digression.

If you had one wish that was guaranteed to come true within the next 24 hours, what would it be?
I cannot even answer this one…not if I only have one wish.

How much those nukkas makin on the trading floor?
Depends. First-year analysts (straight outta college) pull down a $55-$70K base and can earn just as much come year end via a bonus. So, a top salary for first-years is about $120,000 or so.

Associates who come directly from B-school start with a base of about $110K, which varies according to their product group. Their bonuses are less easy to predict…could be anywhere from $9k to $129k to $150k…

Anon @ 8:34 said…
Do you have a weave? Do you shake it like a Polaroid picture?
Funny that you should ask. I actually plan on getting one right before I head back to work in a few weeks (not that Cocoa is trying to deceive her unknowing colleagues or anything like soJ

T.Cas said…
Are you doing some writing while you are recovering?
Yes and no. I am trying to get back on the blog. HOWEVER, I was looking over my manuscript notes the other day and do plan on tweaking some more chapters before I go back into the trenches!

Do you see yourself as the "settling down" type? You know husband and 2.5 kids?
I actually have never seen myself in any other way, shape or form. I did not grow up with the intact family (mom, dad, etc.), so a strong family unit has always been a goal of mine.

What is the wackest pick up line anyone has used on you?
Dayum…there are SO many…

“Gul…you thick as SHIT!”
“Hey, mami…I can see your p*ssy through your pants,” followed by a kissing sound (I just cringed again and this one happened years ago).

Just a hazard of living in NYC!

What is the best pick up line anyone has used on you?
Sadly enough, but he was not black. This something-new stepped to me in the campus Laundromat and told me I was beautiful. Asked if he could take me to lunch. Just a simple compliment and a simple line.

Cocoa Girl

Friday, September 08, 2006

On nearing 30 and losing flava...

Is it possible for several ‘selves’ to occupy equal space, footing and influence within the one mind, body and soul? I think psychologists call it schizophrenia, but Cocoa Girl likes to regard said state of being as something common to living life in your 20s.

Three months shy of my 30th birthday, I am beginning to wonder which of my selves – the many flavors of Miss Cocoa - will survive the flip of the matrix.

Either way, I thought it would be a nice gesture to bid a final adieu to my psychotic, irrational and crazy-azz nature as a 20-something year old living in NYC self.

Yet, the question remains: which flavors of Cocoa Girl will make it out of the 20s? Your guess is as good as mine…

Cocoa Girl, the Big City dweller
This girl moved to New York to become powerful, which, when boiled down and less Trump-dramatic in fashion, means strong and successful. Life in the Mini-apple was always too basic for her. So, following high school, she attended college as far away from the Midwest as possible (NY & DC-area); studied abroad in London; interned in NYC and Chicago and ended up back here.

All of this to say that since Cocoa Girl, the Big City dweller, came to life by way of what Freud would probably classify as many things none too cute, I have always questioned the authenticity of this selve and wonder for how much longer I’ll get to enjoy the lifestyle that she was bold (unstable?) enough to pursue.

Cocoa Girl, the Gold digger
Wish I could blame this girly on the one above, but no can do! This chick may be nice, funny, caring, sweet and loving, but her ass is still bout it, bout it when it comes to the need for some serious P.E.P. (potential earning power) in they step! Thing is, this side of Cocoa Girl is one of the oldest vintage flavors on the market – she’s been around for as long as I have been spoiled! Mom dukes may have raised her fidolo, but she was always on the money when it came to the bills and the lifestyle.

Now is this selve a gold digger - for real - or a woman who just wants to be spoiled? I would argue that she is not as much a gold digger as she is a woman who just needs a few (ok – many!) things to carry on in what I would refer to as ‘special abundance.’

Cocoa Girl, the Race distancer
While this selve maintains that she has never desired to play dress up as another race, sometimes, black folk irk the absolute shit out of her - more than probably healthy. The ignorant ass talk; the BET programming; the Ghetto Lit; the self-hatred; the non-role models; the glamorizing of all things criminal; the current state of ‘hip hop’…

I could go on and on, but I will not, as this self is dying in me by the day. Do I still hate all things ignorant? Without a doubt. Big things have just made me realize that there is a lot that I can do as one to combat and offset the mass coonery.

Cocoa Girl, the Race crusader
This Cocoa flavor is that Pam Grier, Cleo Jones kind of chick who will pimp slap major advertisers, Bill Cosby and the likes of Sean P. Diddy Combs all the same. While she cannot stand the fact that many of her folks refuse to act right, she despises the powers-that-be that fund, fuel, exploit and perpetuate the machine.

Cocoa Girl, the Philanthropist
This girl might as well be dubbed ‘Cocoa Girl, the dreamer,’ because that is exactly who she is. She believes in trying to help people help themselves and in giving back whenever you can. She has always dreamt of sending anonymous cashier’s checks and blessing people and places all over the world – from tiny rural churches that just need enough money to repair the roof to AIDs organizations to orphanages in Rwanda.

Cocoa Girl, the Prosecutor
Perhaps it was the absentee daddy or her only-child (sole self-defender) status that led this girl to be more of a prosecutorial kind of ho than a defender. Her folks have had to beckon with her (too much?) to recognize the ‘good’ in others. This selve is also the same chick skilled in losing problematics without losing a cut of her sanity and esteem. Freud would say that she has a bit of an issue confronting matters of reconciliation

Cocoa Girl, the Ruler, will fire your ass in a minute, bitch
Power-hungry, heartless workplace bitch, spawned by one-too-many pissy jobs. She does not pity the unnecessarily weak or fools or those who do not act on others’ advice to help them better their careers (fools?). When necessary, she is cut-throat and has learned to play the game better than MJ. Actually, so well that the shit is beginning to blur with her ‘real’ life OFF the job (note to self: stop wearing pearls on the got-damn weekend!)

Cocoa Girl, the Crazy pet rescue lady
This girly is a newest - and sweetest - addition to the Cocoa line of flavors. Yet, most of her peeps worry about her presence. Why? Because they fail to see how this selve actually affords an otherwise untrusting, self-absorbed, Manhattan chick mostly concerend with self preservation, daily dealings in compassion and kindness.(I kind of like her and hope she sticks around, if I do say so mahself.)

Cocoa Girl, the Social climber
This well coifed-cow (believe me, she can be one!) believes that nothing in life is meant to be stagnant. NOTHING. While nobody in the family is for certain from whence she came, Mom Dukes swears that she is positively without a doubt a super spawn of the sperm donor’s line.

Girly is the driven selve that says if it’s broke, fix it; if you do not like it, change it; if you are scared of it, overcome it, and if things (they?) intimidate you, strike them under your heel and put those bitches in their place!

In one very, very nutty nutshell, this fine flavor believes that 'up' is the only way to go and if you have an opportunity to better your position, then why the hell not?

Will this chica stick around beyond the 30 mark? Dude, I am scared to find out myself.

For all of you 30-plusers out there, did you notice any parts of your self dropping off you hit the mark?


Cocoalicious