Friday, September 08, 2006

On nearing 30 and losing flava...

Is it possible for several ‘selves’ to occupy equal space, footing and influence within the one mind, body and soul? I think psychologists call it schizophrenia, but Cocoa Girl likes to regard said state of being as something common to living life in your 20s.

Three months shy of my 30th birthday, I am beginning to wonder which of my selves – the many flavors of Miss Cocoa - will survive the flip of the matrix.

Either way, I thought it would be a nice gesture to bid a final adieu to my psychotic, irrational and crazy-azz nature as a 20-something year old living in NYC self.

Yet, the question remains: which flavors of Cocoa Girl will make it out of the 20s? Your guess is as good as mine…

Cocoa Girl, the Big City dweller
This girl moved to New York to become powerful, which, when boiled down and less Trump-dramatic in fashion, means strong and successful. Life in the Mini-apple was always too basic for her. So, following high school, she attended college as far away from the Midwest as possible (NY & DC-area); studied abroad in London; interned in NYC and Chicago and ended up back here.

All of this to say that since Cocoa Girl, the Big City dweller, came to life by way of what Freud would probably classify as many things none too cute, I have always questioned the authenticity of this selve and wonder for how much longer I’ll get to enjoy the lifestyle that she was bold (unstable?) enough to pursue.

Cocoa Girl, the Gold digger
Wish I could blame this girly on the one above, but no can do! This chick may be nice, funny, caring, sweet and loving, but her ass is still bout it, bout it when it comes to the need for some serious P.E.P. (potential earning power) in they step! Thing is, this side of Cocoa Girl is one of the oldest vintage flavors on the market – she’s been around for as long as I have been spoiled! Mom dukes may have raised her fidolo, but she was always on the money when it came to the bills and the lifestyle.

Now is this selve a gold digger - for real - or a woman who just wants to be spoiled? I would argue that she is not as much a gold digger as she is a woman who just needs a few (ok – many!) things to carry on in what I would refer to as ‘special abundance.’

Cocoa Girl, the Race distancer
While this selve maintains that she has never desired to play dress up as another race, sometimes, black folk irk the absolute shit out of her - more than probably healthy. The ignorant ass talk; the BET programming; the Ghetto Lit; the self-hatred; the non-role models; the glamorizing of all things criminal; the current state of ‘hip hop’…

I could go on and on, but I will not, as this self is dying in me by the day. Do I still hate all things ignorant? Without a doubt. Big things have just made me realize that there is a lot that I can do as one to combat and offset the mass coonery.

Cocoa Girl, the Race crusader
This Cocoa flavor is that Pam Grier, Cleo Jones kind of chick who will pimp slap major advertisers, Bill Cosby and the likes of Sean P. Diddy Combs all the same. While she cannot stand the fact that many of her folks refuse to act right, she despises the powers-that-be that fund, fuel, exploit and perpetuate the machine.

Cocoa Girl, the Philanthropist
This girl might as well be dubbed ‘Cocoa Girl, the dreamer,’ because that is exactly who she is. She believes in trying to help people help themselves and in giving back whenever you can. She has always dreamt of sending anonymous cashier’s checks and blessing people and places all over the world – from tiny rural churches that just need enough money to repair the roof to AIDs organizations to orphanages in Rwanda.

Cocoa Girl, the Prosecutor
Perhaps it was the absentee daddy or her only-child (sole self-defender) status that led this girl to be more of a prosecutorial kind of ho than a defender. Her folks have had to beckon with her (too much?) to recognize the ‘good’ in others. This selve is also the same chick skilled in losing problematics without losing a cut of her sanity and esteem. Freud would say that she has a bit of an issue confronting matters of reconciliation

Cocoa Girl, the Ruler, will fire your ass in a minute, bitch
Power-hungry, heartless workplace bitch, spawned by one-too-many pissy jobs. She does not pity the unnecessarily weak or fools or those who do not act on others’ advice to help them better their careers (fools?). When necessary, she is cut-throat and has learned to play the game better than MJ. Actually, so well that the shit is beginning to blur with her ‘real’ life OFF the job (note to self: stop wearing pearls on the got-damn weekend!)

Cocoa Girl, the Crazy pet rescue lady
This girly is a newest - and sweetest - addition to the Cocoa line of flavors. Yet, most of her peeps worry about her presence. Why? Because they fail to see how this selve actually affords an otherwise untrusting, self-absorbed, Manhattan chick mostly concerend with self preservation, daily dealings in compassion and kindness.(I kind of like her and hope she sticks around, if I do say so mahself.)

Cocoa Girl, the Social climber
This well coifed-cow (believe me, she can be one!) believes that nothing in life is meant to be stagnant. NOTHING. While nobody in the family is for certain from whence she came, Mom Dukes swears that she is positively without a doubt a super spawn of the sperm donor’s line.

Girly is the driven selve that says if it’s broke, fix it; if you do not like it, change it; if you are scared of it, overcome it, and if things (they?) intimidate you, strike them under your heel and put those bitches in their place!

In one very, very nutty nutshell, this fine flavor believes that 'up' is the only way to go and if you have an opportunity to better your position, then why the hell not?

Will this chica stick around beyond the 30 mark? Dude, I am scared to find out myself.

For all of you 30-plusers out there, did you notice any parts of your self dropping off you hit the mark?



hotcoffy007 said...

the one thing that changed with me was my intolerance for stupid friends, i totally cut people off, i felt like i no longer wanted to deal with their self inflicted dramas. i also became the animal rescuer, when my dog died i was adopted by the meanest cat in Chicago, but i loved her

chica said...

Extremely little about me has changed since happily crossing the threshold of thirty. In fact, I am enjoying life (relatively speaking) more now than during my twenties.

Don't worry: the many facets of Cocoa will live on until they no longer truly reflect who you are or wish to be.

Rest and enjoy your weekend!

Single Ma said...

Girl, ya know they say 30 is the new 20. he he

Seriously though, I don't think I "lost" anything per se'. In fact, I think I've "added" a few things to the repretoire of all things ME.

Life became more clear, I became more confident, I became more assertive, I became less concerned about what others thought of me, I started putting into action all the things I only "dreamed" of when I was in my 20s. And my tolerance quotient for bullshyt went from 20 to zero overnight! Girl, trust me, being 30 is fab!

I hope ALL facets of Cocoa remain present. She will only get better with age.

"...note to self: stop wearing pearls on the got-damn weekend"

You'z a nut! LMAO!

Cocoa Girl said...

Hotcoffy007 - I love that screen name:) You got the meanest cat in Chi-Town, huh? Then I must have the bourgiest one in NYC!

Chica - I have heard that it only gets better with 30...can't wait to see:)

SingleMa - Girl, my B.S. tolerance is already at an all-time low. I am scared to see where it is headed!

Happy Friday, ya'll!

1969 said...

I definitely grew the hell up. I too, no longer cared what anyone thought about me or my life excpet for the folks that really mattered.

I developed a LOW tolerance for bulls*t and would cut off friends and people that were draining or didn't give anything back to our relationships.

Harlem Songstress said...

At 30 I felt like that was the age where I was a "bonified no if-and-or-butts about it" full fledged adult (a.k.a. grwon a$$ woman)! LOL Of course due to trails and tribulations I was more wise and had already began the practice of trying to learn from my mistakes and reconizing patterns in my life. Those patterns that proved less than desirable results I reevaluated and approached those situations differently in the future in an attempt to yield better results. Can't honestly say I was doing that in my early twenties...but I know I started doing that somewhere in my late twenties. I have also gotten to know myself better which greatly & positively influences a lot of decisions I make for myself. If anything..u might add on a few more personalities in your thirties-LOL

Bottom line, what you have been doing at 30 you most likely was doing at's like the question when people ask you "Well how does it feel to be XX? In my mind I always think, the same-my birthday just began 4 hours ago-lol Any type of change you implement will happen gradually as u grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Sometimes that happens annually..somtimes not. I definitely see myself different now at 32 vs. 25 and I'm sure I will see my self different at 35 thanks to numerous wonderful (and not so wonderful) experiences I've had in this thing we call LIFE :) Electric word means forever and that's a might long time...but I'm here to tell you there's something else...(ha--u know I couldn't resist throwing in a Prince segway-LOL)

hotcoffy007 said...

i forgot, a major thing that changed for me at 32 was i no longer down played my (spiritual, physical, mental) attributes to make others comfortable. i also accepted that you can be the best you you can be, and there will be someone that won't like you/or let themselves like you, and that's ok.

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meltron3000 said...

I've been 30 since I was 28. I think I'll probably stay 30 til I'm 36. And after that just count my age in whole numbers only, 40, 50, 60, et al.

Not much has changed, but I can say that I'm a little wiser...not smarter, just "bright" I guess. Oh and pudgy in the center, but dammit since I started cycling to work (15miles a day) I'll have this midsection under control!

You know, a lot of the "different" selves you spoke of don't seem so different; they all seem to harmoniously exist together. Maybe it's the writing style but I felt like they all had the same strong passion: go getter.

Don't lose that and you'll be fine.


Happy "pre"Birthday.

Cocoa Girl said...

1969 - If I cosign with you here

I developed a LOW tolerance for bulls*t and would cut off friends and people that were draining or didn't give anything back to our relationships.

...then I have been 30 six 28 or so. LOL!

Songstress - Amen and amen, girl! Thanks for sharing. BTW, ever since I've been nearing 3-0, I have been using the saying "Ima grown a$$ woman" with MUCH greater frequency.

Hotcoffy007 - Gotcha. I think I realized that one tons of time ago. However, I can definitely relate to the no more downplaying stuff.

Meltron - Thanks so much for your words. BTW, I LOVE you say:

I've been 30 since I was 28. I think I'll probably stay 30 til I'm 36. And after that just count my age in whole numbers only, 40, 50, 60, et al.


T. Cas said...

Great analysis of yourself(ves).

When I turned 30, nothing changed except I got a grey hair in my beard and my male biological clock started ticking.

I still feel just like the same old kid that likes to listen to old school hip hop and play around on the computer all day.

Cocoa Girl said...

Hahaha - I forgot about that 'selve.'

solitaire said...

Hello my dear sis.
I'm 5 years away from 30 (just joined the Quarter Century Club!)

Let me just say this: I. HATE. GHETTO. LIT.


Just had to get that off my chest. Tee hee.

inciquay said...

I hit the big 3-0 in March and I've been thinking the same things. I never thought I would care when I reached it(-and I'm not like the manic White girls that immediately wanna marry or some shite) but I feel like I shoulda done more. Big things for our 30's are inevitable!
Solitaire needs to sit her quarter century ass down with the quickness! LOL

lovelyjd said...

I will be thirty next march...looking forward to it...this twenties thing is played out...

Cocoa Girl said...

LOL!!!! Inciquay - You are so CRAZY!

Leave young buck Soli alone...LOL

Lovelyjd - Welcome. I am looking forward to 30, too! What a blessing...

Anonymous said...

I will be 36 on monday and I noticed that when I hit 30, I was more concerned with me doing me and being myself instead of following what is considered "normal". I've always been the type that was "marching to the beat of a different drum", but I embrace that now instead of being embarassed about it.