Three months shy of my 30th birthday, I am beginning to wonder which of my selves – the many flavors of Miss Cocoa - will survive the flip of the matrix.
Either way, I thought it would be a nice gesture to bid a final adieu to my psychotic, irrational and crazy-azz nature as a 20-something year old living in NYC self.
Yet, the question remains: which flavors of Cocoa Girl will make it out of the 20s? Your guess is as good as mine…
Cocoa Girl, the Big City dweller
This girl moved to New York to become powerful, which, when boiled down and less Trump-dramatic in fashion, means strong and successful. Life in the Mini-apple was always too basic for her. So, following high school, she attended college as far away from the Midwest as possible (NY & DC-area); studied abroad in London; interned in NYC and Chicago and ended up back here.
All of this to say that since Cocoa Girl, the Big City dweller, came to life by way of what Freud would probably classify as many things none too cute, I have always questioned the authenticity of this selve and wonder for how much longer I’ll get to enjoy the lifestyle that she was bold (unstable?) enough to pursue.
Cocoa Girl, the Gold digger
Wish I could blame this girly on the one above, but no can do! This chick may be nice, funny, caring, sweet and loving, but her ass is still bout it, bout it when it comes to the need for some serious P.E.P. (potential earning power) in they step! Thing is, this side of Cocoa Girl is one of the oldest vintage flavors on the market – she’s been around for as long as I have been spoiled! Mom dukes may have raised her fidolo, but she was always on the money when it came to the bills and the lifestyle.
Now is this selve a gold digger - for real - or a woman who just wants to be spoiled? I would argue that she is not as much a gold digger as she is a woman who just needs a few (ok – many!) things to carry on in what I would refer to as ‘special abundance.’
Cocoa Girl, the Race distancer
While this selve maintains that she has never desired to play dress up as another race, sometimes, black folk irk the absolute shit out of her - more than probably healthy. The ignorant ass talk; the BET programming; the Ghetto Lit; the self-hatred; the non-role models; the glamorizing of all things criminal; the current state of ‘hip hop’…
I could go on and on, but I will not, as this self is dying in me by the day. Do I still hate all things ignorant? Without a doubt. Big things have just made me realize that there is a lot that I can do as one to combat and offset the mass coonery.
Cocoa Girl, the Race crusader
This Cocoa flavor is that Pam Grier, Cleo Jones kind of chick who will pimp slap major advertisers, Bill Cosby and the likes of Sean P. Diddy Combs all the same. While she cannot stand the fact that many of her folks refuse to act right, she despises the powers-that-be that fund, fuel, exploit and perpetuate the machine.
Cocoa Girl, the Philanthropist
This girl might as well be dubbed ‘Cocoa Girl, the dreamer,’ because that is exactly who she is. She believes in trying to help people help themselves and in giving back whenever you can. She has always dreamt of sending anonymous cashier’s checks and blessing people and places all over the world – from tiny rural churches that just need enough money to repair the roof to AIDs organizations to orphanages in Rwanda.
Cocoa Girl, the Prosecutor
Perhaps it was the absentee daddy or her only-child (sole self-defender) status that led this girl to be more of a prosecutorial kind of ho than a defender. Her folks have had to beckon with her (too much?) to recognize the ‘good’ in others. This selve is also the same chick skilled in losing problematics without losing a cut of her sanity and esteem. Freud would say that she has a bit of an issue confronting matters of reconciliation
Cocoa Girl, the Ruler, will fire your ass in a minute, bitch
Power-hungry, heartless workplace bitch, spawned by one-too-many pissy jobs. She does not pity the unnecessarily weak or fools or those who do not act on others’ advice to help them better their careers (fools?). When necessary, she is cut-throat and has learned to play the game better than MJ. Actually, so well that the shit is beginning to blur with her ‘real’ life OFF the job (note to self: stop wearing pearls on the got-damn weekend!)
Cocoa Girl, the Crazy pet rescue lady
This girly is a newest - and sweetest - addition to the Cocoa line of flavors. Yet, most of her peeps worry about her presence. Why? Because they fail to see how this selve actually affords an otherwise untrusting, self-absorbed, Manhattan chick mostly concerend with self preservation, daily dealings in compassion and kindness.(I kind of like her and hope she sticks around, if I do say so mahself.)
Cocoa Girl, the Social climber
This well coifed-cow (believe me, she can be one!) believes that nothing in life is meant to be stagnant. NOTHING. While nobody in the family is for certain from whence she came, Mom Dukes swears that she is positively without a doubt a super spawn of the sperm donor’s line.
Girly is the driven selve that says if it’s broke, fix it; if you do not like it, change it; if you are scared of it, overcome it, and if things (they?) intimidate you, strike them under your heel and put those bitches in their place!
In one very, very nutty nutshell, this fine flavor believes that 'up' is the only way to go and if you have an opportunity to better your position, then why the hell not?
Will this chica stick around beyond the 30 mark? Dude, I am scared to find out myself.
For all of you 30-plusers out there, did you notice any parts of your self dropping off you hit the mark?