Friday, February 29, 2008

Gotta be a C4UC Classic!

Cocoa has been on the verge of tears since arriving to work this morning, for two very different reasons. One is a better suited for the other blog, while the second reason has can’t be real/gotta be a script written all over….

The Scene: The “Industry” (Entertainmentland for the unassuming)
Characters: High-maintenance, high-level female executive; her assistant and her assistant’s assistant (Moi-Moi!)
Act 1: HMHLFE is “accidentally” running late for a meeting on her floor with fellow Industry bigwigs who stood her up the previous week.

HMHLFE leaves her office & approaches the HA’s desk; HAA (me-me!) looks on…

(Dropping her Grande Skinny Latte on the desk, an EMPTY-HANDED Bosslady chimes)
“HA –Will you follow me in the conference room with this…please?”

(HA, on the verge of WTF???) “Um, sure…no problem…?”

HMHLFE leads the way toward the glass walls & door enclosed conference room. A confused HA kung-fu grips the Starbucks like the Holy Grail and trails closely behind.

Upon reaching the glass-walled conference room brimming with Industry bigwigs, HMHLFE enters and lets the door (also glass a.k.a. see-through!) slam in HA’s face.

A confused (facially bruised?) HA struggles to let herself in the door and stumbles inside embarassed. Scurrying toward her big shot, she drops the cup and runs back to her desk – still confused as to what transpired.

Only in the Cubicle World, kids. Only in the Cubicle World.

TGTT (Thank God This is Temporary!)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Empathy: Need Not Apply

While I have much sympathy for little Miss STBF, empathy, which requires a good amount of identification, is something that Cocoa clearly cannot afford to offer homegirl.

Looming termination, dissatisfactory job performance and new resumes confidentially (hand) delivered to Bosslady abound, and girly still has enough trust (naivete?) and confidence (money) to buy a $3,000 camera.

No, she is not a freelance photographer. She does dream of becoming one (try again). And, no, she is not enrolled in a photography class, visually chronicling the last days of her dying grandmother. She simply takes pictures as a h...o...b...b...y.

Wish I could reckon my need for a steady income to a matter of frolic.

Cocoalicious, nutritious!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

The stuff that sick days are made of...

It's Day 11 on the temp job scene and things are actually...okay. The regular assistant to Boss Lady Wintour is back from vacation and (get this) at home sick. I'll refrain from being a "b" about it all, however, because homegirl actually does sound ill. I guess I would/could be a little woozy, too, if I had just returned from a third-world country where I had been parasailing, drinking, dancing, drinking some more, and doing whatever kind of things that aspiring entertainment industry assistants who live in artsy neighborhoods and graduated from private school do when on vacay and far from the throes of a demanding bosslady for the very first time.

All this is to say, Cocoa thinks honey dip's illness is Grade A. So, there! I am not ranting. Well…actually, let CG refrain: I was not going to rant UNTIL I logged onto honey's computer this morning to find this:

Subject (line): "If you are sick, please stay home."

Hi Minion: I just wanted to reinforce that you stay home if you're not 100 percent. I feel on the verge of getting sick and really want to avoid coming down with something." -- Boss Lady

Yes, Cocoa is pissed and really she feels the same way as you: this crap is SO UNFAIR! Do you know how long Cocoa has worked, slaved and photocopy-whored herself on the job to earn this kind of boss? The kind who commands "stay home; get better" and actually means it! No passive-aggressive, you-betta-produce-a-dislodged-cancerous-lung-before-you-leave-this-place, type who will poke voodoo doll replicas of you’re a$$ until you get back to work.

Oh well...I'm young and still running through bosses like Marion Jones dodging a charge. So, maybe next time.


Friday, February 01, 2008

'temping' ain't easy...

at least, not all of the time!

There was this blogger I used to follow on the regular by the name of "Temp Whore" who clearly was chronicling the story of Cocoa's current life as a temporary worker without knowing it.

Like me, TW loved the freedom that temp work offers. No chains, shackles or b*tch slaps here because, as a non-permanent employee, you are free to walk away from the insanity of the C.S.S. ("corporate slave ship" for the newbies) at any given time. Yet, the benifits do not stop on the Amistad/"give us free" tip! Not only can you bounce if not feeling the scene, but you are no longer hostage to all that cult activity that threatens to damper your Monday-Friday existence. Botox-necessitating (faux) smiles? Gone! The Happy Hour Hostage/Help! situation? You can't do me nada! OT everyday a.k.a. "time and a half?" Yes, yes, ya'll! The positives of temp work are endless. So what is Cocoa's beef? Glad you asked...

I am currently on assignment with this "Industry" exec who rivals Ms. Wintour. If it weren't for the facts that she remembers my name and tosses a "thank you" on the end of every request, I'd be shopping around my newest manuscript: "The Devil Wears Tori Burch." Every day it's:

"Cocooooa...let's call so-in-so", which actually entails yours truly dialing and telling her when to pick up!
"Cocoooa...did we receive an email from such-in-such?" Mind you, "we" have separate email addresses!
"Cocooooa...can you take this tea bag and make me some tea and bring it to me in the conference room (across the office) with an extra cup so I can discard the tea bag into it???"

Me lying? Don't count on it.

Stay tuned and happy Friday!
CG, your humble (temp) servant